Saturday, December 26, 2009

To Tell and How to Tell...Those Are the Questions...

Due to the blizzard, we had to delay our Christmas plans.  My parents and little sister came up and spent the night last night.  Right now we're just waiting for everyone else to come this afternoon so we can celebrate [late] Christmas, so while waiting I decided to write a little while it's still fresh on my mind:

A couple weeks ago, DH said he wanted to tell his parents about his azoo pretty soon, probably even before he goes to see the urologist.  I told him that I thought maybe we should also tell my parents pretty soon, but he should probably tell his parents first, and do it whenever he's ready.  Well the other day we talked about it some more.  He is worried especially about telling his mom.  After all, his parents are halfway across the globe and this would be really hard to talk to them about over the phone.  He said he thinks his dad would be understanding, but that his mom would be really upset.  He thinks she will be mostly upset because of "societal standards,"  like you're SUPPOSED to have kids when you get married.  We talked about telling my parents and we're both worried about the same thing: My parents tend to be very irrational and judgmental, and might say things like "Well God must be punishing you for....blah blah blah...."  And will probably go on and on every time we see them with unwanted "advice."

Now, remember last month when my mom was being nosy?  Well this morning she just brought it to the next level: the guilt trip.  We were just sitting at the table eating breakfast and somehow she brings the conversation to how she got pregnant with me.  Me, my little sister, AND my dad were all trying to get her to stop talking.  But she just keeps going on and on: "It's all because so & so got pregnant and so & so got pregnant so then blah blah blah...."  We again tell her to stop talking.  Brief pause.  Then she says, in a mocking tone of voice: "I shall forever have only one grandchild."

I don't know how much more of this I can take.  And she always only does stuff like this when DH is not around (he's at work this morning).  Sometimes I wish she'd just say something when he IS there and maybe he'll just jump in and tell her how it is.  Not so easy, I know.  So the thing is,  I think we definitely need to tell my parents about it sometime soon so that MAYBE my mom can stop with the guilt trip stuff.  I'm gonna talk to DH tonight and see what he thinks, which he probably still doesn't want to tell them for a long time.

My question is, whenever we decide to tell, what would be the best way to tell them?  I know telling them face-to-face would probably be the proper way to do it.  But I'm also wondering about writing a letter, and maybe that will give them some time to process it before talking to us so they won't be blurting out some judgmental remarks.  Or should we just suck it up and tell them in person?

1 comment:

  1. We told our parents face to face, but only b/c that was possible. We told them mainly to stop the guilt comments similar to what your mom is doing. His mother has been fantastic about it and never asks any questions, waits for us to bring it up. My mother has stopped making comments about wanting more grandkids, but still brings it up trying to sound supportive and not realizing that it puts me in a bad mood. I think a letter is appropriate if you frame as you are doing this b/c it is hard for you to talk about but you want them to know (and so makes it sound less like you are worried about what they will say).