Friday, September 28, 2012

We cried for you

3 years ago on this day, DH and I spent the evening crying our eyes out after we had just received our diagnosis of azoospermia.

2 years ago, we were both at peace with our infertility, yet I was still afraid that I would never get to experience motherhood.

1 year ago, we were cautiously excited about our pregnancy, yet I was still so fearful that something would go wrong as we were experiencing a couple little scares

Today, here is our own precious 5 month old son:

I get so emotional to think about this. All the tears we shed, all the times I had to fight those tears back at others' pregnancy/birth announcements, all the baby showers I tried to avoid, all the times I just wanted to crawl into a cave and hide from the fertile world forever.........
And this is the one we cried for, more perfect than we could ever dream of.  We are so so so so thankful for how God has blessed us!   

Sunday, September 2, 2012


Yesterday afternoon, while Anu was taking a nap, I decided to celebrate my birthday by:  cleaning the house.  Just what any woman wants.  Ha!

But really, I decided it was finally time to put away the bassinet.  Anu hadn't even slept in it since he was about 6 weeks old when he went through that whole growth spurt/I-only-nap-in-mommy's-arms phase.  After that, it had just become a storage catch-all for his clothes, diapers, burp rags, etc.  It was just a big mess and since DH set up the pack-n-play, it was time for this to go.  So I'm going through all the junk we'd just thrown in there and the bottom storage net had so many of his newborn things..... the tiny pants, the little mitts, the long-sleeve shirts with the things to go over his hands so he doesn't scratch his face......

I kid you not, by the time the bassinet was emptied I was in tears.  I mean he's only 4 months old, yet he's already so much bigger than the tiny little swaddled up bundle of joy we brought home from the hospital.  I had to lay him in the bassinet one last time just to savor it and see how much he's grown.  And I realize that this is what I've signed up for: a lifetime of these fleeting moments that will leave me bawling each time they pass by.   I'm pretty sure I'm gonna cry again when I put away his 3 month clothes, and 6 months, and when he turns 1, and when he starts walking, and when he stops nursing, and when he goes to school, and when he gets his first girlfriend, get the picture.  Oh, how I will forever cherish those first days we had with him. When we were scared sh*tless about our new life as parents.

Anu is 4 months old now, and in the past month we have had quite a few milestones and new happenings:

-About 4 weeks ago, he started laughing out loud.  He always gets excited when DH (aka "Baba") is around and finds him very amusing.  Lately he will just giggle like crazy when Baba plays with him.  Also, when I try to give him a bath in his baby tub, he will arch his back and stiffen his legs (because since 3 months he always wants to stand up!), then he slides down towards the water which freaks me out.  Then he looks at me and starts laughing so much like he knows he's not supposed to do that.  It is so precious!

-Anu has also started rolling over (both ways) the last couple of weeks.  We noticed any time we lied him down on his play mat, he would roll to the side, but couldn't quite figure out what to do with his arms.  Then one night, I changed his diaper, then put him in the crib while I went to wash my hands.  By the time I came back, he was completely on his tummy with both arms in front of him.  Now he is always rolling it seems, so we have to be very careful where we put him!  It also drives me crazy at night because when he tries to go asleep and may be sucking on his paci or his thumb, he will roll and squish his face into the mattress.  Some nights he wakes me up (we co-sleep) because I hear him grunting and then I see he has rolled over with his face flat down.  Scares the crap out of me.

-This past week, Anu has started "talking" a whole lot more.  It seems like more expressive/fluctuated "gibberish."  And he tries to blow raspberries too, leaving a whole stream of spit bubbles out of his mouth.  It is so adorable though.

- I went back to work 2 weeks ago.  It was hard, but at the same time it was nice because I was ready for more adult interaction and to get back into the "new normal."  I had been sooo nervous about DH staying with Anu because he was always so wishy-washy with the bottle.  DH definitely had a few rough days but it all worked out.  I feel like now DH feels so much more comfortable with him and they have even more of a special bond because of this 2 weeks.

-On Tuesday, Anu will start at his new home daycare.  We have been taking him there to visit a couple times and last week DH took him a few hours at a time to let him transition.  (This was the daycare owner's suggestion and how she likes to transition new babies).  I'm actually excited for him to start going because wherever we go, he is sooooo intrigued by other babies and really wants to interact.  I think it will be just the right learning stimulation that he needs.