Monday, August 23, 2010


This past week has been a bit of an emotional wreck for me.  It really sucks to try to plan things out so far in advance when you have so many conflicting priorities, feeling like you're being pulled in so many directions.

Before we even left, a lot of family members were talking to us about planning some get-togethers for Christmas and next summer.  We will definitely be going to OK for Christmas, as DH's hectic school schedule won't allow him to go anywhere for Thanksgiving.  I was hoping to spend the whole break in OK.  Then a couple weeks ago my BIL was trying to convince us to go to Tahoe with them right after Christmas.

[side note: my playlist just started playing "Did you ever have to make up your mind?" by the Lovin Spoonful.  How convenient]

Then there is trying to make plans for next summer.  My brother had been discussing wanting to go hiking in New Mexico next summer (before it gets TOO hot).  I have had my heart and mind set on starting IVF next summer, but felt like DH wasn't quite as *enthusiastic* about it as I am.  But I definitely want to spend time with my brother next summer so both things are important to me.  I have been contemplating in my mind how on the most convenient way to work out the timing.

Then this past week I started to think about something else that's important to me: visiting DH's parents.  It's just crazy that I've been married this long and have never even met my in-laws.  Then I started weighing that with IVF, realizing that if we had a successful IVF, it would not be wise to go to Bangladesh while pregnant so we would have to put that off even more.  I came to my own conclusion that we should try to go to Bangladesh next summer, even if it meant putting off IVF for a few months or longer.

So this past weekend we went to see our very close friend in San Diego (let's call him K).  On the drive down, I brought it up with DH and we talked about it.  At first he wasn't sure, then thought about it some more and was on board with planning the trip for next summer.  We both started feeling pretty excited about it, but the thought of having to choose one thing over the other was getting me down.  Then we got to K's place and his roommate announced there would be company over.  Great, I thought.  I was not really in the mood for forced socialization with strangers.  Then they happened to bring their little reminder of our IF.  So upstairs in K's room I just had myself a good cry because life sucks.  It's so unfair to have to put so much time and energy (and money) in planning something that most other people can do without much effort.  After drying my eyes I went down to socialize and play with the cute cute tiny tot, and I felt a lot better.

The next day DH and I were spending time with K when he brought up the topic of IF.  We had a good talk about it and he really helped to put things in perspective for us. Basically helped us to realize that we should seize the opportunity to try IVF while we can.  Even when DH talked to his mom that evening, she thought if he had to choose between the two, he should do IVF.

So now we are definitely aiming for IVF next summer.  I wouldn't say that DH was not on board before, but that he just didn't seem to be taking it as seriously as I was.  Like he had shut off that compartment of thoughts and emotions in his brain.  Now I think he officially has "the fever" and is more serious about saving up money for this.

Now we just have to decide what to do about insurance.  We already know the insurance through his school won't cover ANYTHING IF-related.  I am trying to find out more about what my work insurance will cover - I already know it won't cover IVF (or any of the drugs included with that).  But I am trying to find out if it will cover his MESA to see whether or not it would be worth including him on my plan.  Too bad when you call the insurance company they have no clue what those procedures are or what they cover.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Bibliography of ASSVICE!!!

Here comes a fun post full of the most ridiculous ASSVICE I've gotten from various people within the last year or so.  Partly because I'm bored.  Partly because I'm a little PMS-y.  But mostly because some of this stuff is too hilariously stupid not to share:

First of all, I got a lot of stupid assvice, comments, and questions regarding the move to LA

Source #1: Nosy co-worker
Co-worker: I heard you might be leaving after this year....
Me: Yes.  My husband got into grad school in LA so we are moving.
Co-worker: Oh! Well I guess if you wanna stay married, then that's what you gotta do.
Wow.  I didn't know a spouse's education/career change was grounds to consider divorce.

Source #2: Sweet little old lady at church
"Don't let the liberals out there getcha."
Good idea.  I just know those dang liberals are hiding in the dark alleys, waiting to mug me for more tax money.

I also got the:  "Are there any Baptist churches in LA?"
Yes, there are actually Baptists in a city with a population of more than 4 million people.  But they all meet in secret underground passageways because they're hiding from the liberals.

Source #3: my mom 
I'm telling you, for some one who has never lived here, she says some of the dumbest things sometimes....such as:
"Well you know, everything is mañana in California."
What.....what does that even mean?? Mañana means tomorrow. Everything is tomorrow? What?

Or how about "You mean they let [DH]'s car into California?"
Well actually we had to smuggle DH's perfectly fine honda into a oversized coffin for 24 hours while we crossed the California state border.

I couldn't even tell her about all the cool ethnic restaurants around and eating Cuban food without her making some comment about countries where people rebel against the government......Seriously??? It's just FOOD and your political views are severely warped.

How about ASSVICE on marriage?:

Source #4: rude co-worker (who has been divorced at least 2 or 3 times, gets into a new relationship every year and almost gets married, then calls it off)
"Well if I haven't taught you anything else, you listen to this: You better get a separate bank account only in your name, don't tell anybody you have this, and every month put away $50 dollars into the account.  This is for EMERGENCIES, in case you need to get out because [DH] starts beatin' up on you."
What a great idea.  Because when I fell in love and took those vows I thought "hmm, now here's a guy I can't trust and who doesn't love me so much that he wouldn't dare to lay a finger on me.  But what the heck, I'll marry him anyway cuz I'm lonely." And by the way this tip you call "advice," in the real world is called "financial infidelity" and it's why you can't get your own relationships to work out.

Source #5: big sister (who is very selfish & immature, thinks she's an expert on marriage just because she has a boyfriend, and has made it very clear that she does not want children and pretty much thinks anyone who wants to get pregnant is stupid)
Sister: When you get married, your primarily responsibility is to your husband.  That means if your husband had a bad day at work and he comes home and the kids are running around screaming, you send them to their room and take care of your husband first.
Mom: Well you just don't know the cold hard reality 
Me: Yeah.  What if you have an infant? You can't just "send him to his room"
That's right, stereotypical wives and stay-at-home-moms of the world.  You better put down that hungry nursing baby and give your stereotypical breadwinner husband his bottle.

And then, of course, there's our all-time favorite: the getting pregnant/infertility ASSVICE:

Source #6: head midwife at the medical center (this is when I was still living in my world of ignorance is bliss, and was so sure I'd be pregnant any time now so I better start researching my birthing options)
Me: (wrapping up the consultation) BTW do you have any tips on getting pregnant?
Midwife: Well how long have you been trying?
Me: About 5 months.....
Midwife: (all-knowing smirk on face) Just take it easy, relax, don't think too much about it.  I guarantee you.  
Too bad there was no money-back on that guarantee.  But then again it was a free consultation.  Still, if I had a dollar for each time I've heard "just relax" I just might have enough money for IVF

Source #7: neurologist (a DOCTOR for crying out loud...keep in mind the whole reason I started seeing him was to get off the meds so I could safely get pregnant, and this conversation was just before we found out about CBAVD)
Neurologist: Are you still trying to get pregnant?
Me: ......we can't get pregnant.  My husband doesn't have any sperm. (the end)
Neurologist: Well you know, all is takes is just one to go "SHOOOOOOOOO" (making rocket-ship motion).  Well I'll see you back here in 6 months.
Yes, I can see it now in the Twilight Zone: "Hello? Hello? Well I guess I'm the only sperm left." (tail snaps off)  "No....that's not fair....there was....SPACE now....there was all the space I needed....THAT'S NOT FAIR!!!!" 

And perhaps the most absurd of all:
Source #8: nurse/former co-worker 
Nurse: So are you still taking the Depakote?
Me: Oh no, I've been off of that over a year
Nurse: Oh good.  So now just watch you'll probably get pregnant before you know it.
Me:.....not exactly...
Nurse: No?
Me: My husband was born without either of his "tubes" so the only possible way we could possibly get pregnant is through in-vitro.
You're a nurse.  You understand, right?
Nurse: Ohhh......Well don't be surprised if something happens one day. heehee.  I'm telling you I've seen these things happen! hahaha! What's it called? vans defens? I'm telling you I've seen things happen!  Cuz it only takes one, JUST ONE! teeheehee! You know cuz it's trapped in there it only takes one it's gonna go crazy! It's gonna go CRAZY I tell you! teeheehee! Just watch, don't be surprised.  You're gonna be one of those people on those TV shows that goes "What? How did it happen?"  And I'm gonna be laughin and goin "AH HA HA! See I told her!" Just watch it only takes one of em to go crazy and find a way!
.......And I have no words.  I guess I just need to hope for a miraculous conception so I can be on Good Morning America....

Well I hope everyone got a good little chuckle or two.  People sure say the *darndest* things