Monday, February 15, 2010

From Either/Or to Neither/Nor

Today we went to the urologist again for the bloodwork results & renal ultrasound.  As it turns out, both kidneys are there and intact.  All his hormone levels came back normal, AND he tested negative for all 36 panels of CF screening.  The Dr. said there's no way to test for ALL genetic possibilities, so there may still be a possibility of a mutation in the CFTR gene, but for now things are looking good!  Just an unexplained mutation.  Maybe DH should join the X-Men ;)

BTW, for those of you who were wondering, we finally got a chance to talk to my parents this past Friday.  And, it actually went pretty well.  My mom was starting to tear up a little but was fine. (I'm definitely glad we decided not to tell them back when all we knew was "0 sperm").  The only weird thing she said was "So there's no way they can do any kind of.....transplant for that?" Um, no.  My dad was pretty quiet, only spoke up when we talked about IVF.  When we said we would not selectively abort any embryos, he said that's the only problem he has with IVF.  And also said "And if it doesn't work out, you can always adopt."  To which I replied we still have intentions to adopt, even if we are able to have a biological child. 
Really my parents were only judgmental and giving stupid advice regarding our likely move to California.  You know, stuff like "It's too liberal out there" or "You don't want to teach in their schools"  when they haven't really seen it for themselves. 

So now, we're just on pause. Just going to relax and let "TTC" take the back seat as we start preparing for the move.  Gotta find something to blog about in the meantime...

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Wagon Wheels

Two years ago this May, I lost a very dear friend of mine to kidney cancer.  Even though we were not related, I always thought of her as a "Grandma" to me.  Some of my earliest memories at church are those of falling asleep in the pew beside her.  I think that as a younger child, I just always wanted to sit by her because she gave me candy every Sunday.  As I got older, I began to really just cherish her company.  The day I was saved, I asked her to come to the altar with me.  As a teenager, I could talk to her about all my secret crushes.  I told her when DH and I were engaged before I even told my mom!  In a small church environment bustling with gossip and judgmental attitudes, this woman simply offered her practical service to God through her sweet, humble, and caring spirit.

IF has gotten me thinking more about her lately.  You see, I had always noted that she didn't talk about children.  She never had any family come to visit at church like everyone else did.  But I never knew why until my junior year in high school.  We had a writing assignment, where we had to interview a senior adult about their life growing up, the most important things they learned in life, that sort of thing.  So I chose to write about my "Grandma."  She told me about her life growing up on a farm with lots of siblings, about all the chores they would do to help out.  Then she told me about the accident.  When she was about 8 years old, a young man that worked on their farm somehow ran over her while he was driving a wagon or buggy... She smiled as she told me "He felt so bad about it that he bought me a brand new dress and some shoes."  (Or something like that...I just remember it was pretty miniscule).  But the accident left her incapable of having children.  She said she and her husband wanted/tried to adopt, but they just couldn't get around to it or it didn't work out.

Of course as a high schooler, the thought of infertility was, in a way, over my head.  All I could think about was that must have been so sad for her.  Now that it hits quite a bit closer to home, I wonder how she really dealt with it.  Because of somebody's careless mistake, she was robbed of the ability to experience pregnancy, to experience birth, to experience motherhood.  Did she really just humbly accept a pair of shoes in its place?  I wonder how she really felt during her younger years, as she watched all her friends have children, and watched them grow up.

There are some days I wish I still had her shoulder to lean on, that we could talk about this.  I miss you Grandma.

Saturday, February 6, 2010


As you *may* have noticed, I decided to change quite a few things on the blog.  It was time for a new look, plus I decided to edit a few things for the safety/privacy of DH and I. 
DH also helped me come up with a different title for my blog.  It's a phrase that reflects how we all need to value ourselves as part of infinity, no matter how insignificant we may feel.

Hope you all enjoy the new look!

ETA: Changed the template again because the comments didn't work on the last one (thanks Emmy for the heads up!)

A pressssstigious award!

Thanks so much, Missy for nominating me for this award!  First ever blog award:

"The instructions that go along with this award are as follows:* Thank the person who nominated you for this award.* Copy the award and place it in your blog.* Link the person who nominated you for this award.* Tell us 7 interesting things about you.* Nominate 7 bloggers.* Post the links to the 7 bloggers you nominate. "

1.  I love to listen to all kinds of music except country, which most people find strange that an Okie doesn't like country music.  My absolute favorite decade for music is the 60's, closely followed by the 90's.

2.  Growing up, my family didn't get into competitive sports activities.  Instead we were extremely competitive musicians.  I was doing piano contests from 5th-12th grade, and started doing voice contests in high school.  All my hard work payed off my senior year when I won state contest for vocal solo and piano concerto.

3.  Part of the reason I never played sports (except required basketball in 5th & 6th grade....*shudder*) is because my motor coordination has always really sucked.  I used to dread being called in class to demonstrate something that required good coordination and I always got made fun of in P.E.

4.  I grew up in the country and we always had a lot of pets including cats, dogs, rabbits, and ducks.  Now I sometimes wish we had a dog, but DH refuses to have cats or dogs as pets.  But we may consider someday getting a rabbit, turtles, or a bearded dragon.  He's said maybe he wants a pet snake and I say NO WAY! ;)

5.  DH and I love to travel: sight-seeing road trips are kind of our mutual addiction! I haven't been out of the country yet :( but so far we have been to Corpus Christi, Colorado Springs/Pikes Peak area, Grand Canyon, and last summer we traveled a lot of places in CA.  This May we're planning on driving to MN (where my Grandma and some other relatives live).

6.  We also love food: cooking and trying out different kinds of food.  DH has become quite an expert at Bengali/Indian food, and I like to cook Mexican or Italian style.  Plus we always like to add to our repertoire of different meats we've eaten.  Other than the usual stuff (including different kinds of fish), I've had: bison, deer, antelope, elk, ostrich, quail, duck, goose, goat, rabbit, shark, alligator, and rattlesnake. 

7.  I'm addicted to crossword and variety puzzles.  My favorites are diagramless crosswords and logic problems, but I personally think Sudokus are overrated.  :)

Well I unfortunately don't have enough people to nominate 7.  I nominate Missy and Alison, but I know you guys have already done this one :)

Also nominating: