Friday, September 28, 2012

We cried for you

3 years ago on this day, DH and I spent the evening crying our eyes out after we had just received our diagnosis of azoospermia.

2 years ago, we were both at peace with our infertility, yet I was still afraid that I would never get to experience motherhood.

1 year ago, we were cautiously excited about our pregnancy, yet I was still so fearful that something would go wrong as we were experiencing a couple little scares

Today, here is our own precious 5 month old son:

I get so emotional to think about this. All the tears we shed, all the times I had to fight those tears back at others' pregnancy/birth announcements, all the baby showers I tried to avoid, all the times I just wanted to crawl into a cave and hide from the fertile world forever.........
And this is the one we cried for, more perfect than we could ever dream of.  We are so so so so thankful for how God has blessed us!   

Sunday, September 2, 2012


Yesterday afternoon, while Anu was taking a nap, I decided to celebrate my birthday by:  cleaning the house.  Just what any woman wants.  Ha!

But really, I decided it was finally time to put away the bassinet.  Anu hadn't even slept in it since he was about 6 weeks old when he went through that whole growth spurt/I-only-nap-in-mommy's-arms phase.  After that, it had just become a storage catch-all for his clothes, diapers, burp rags, etc.  It was just a big mess and since DH set up the pack-n-play, it was time for this to go.  So I'm going through all the junk we'd just thrown in there and the bottom storage net had so many of his newborn things..... the tiny pants, the little mitts, the long-sleeve shirts with the things to go over his hands so he doesn't scratch his face......

I kid you not, by the time the bassinet was emptied I was in tears.  I mean he's only 4 months old, yet he's already so much bigger than the tiny little swaddled up bundle of joy we brought home from the hospital.  I had to lay him in the bassinet one last time just to savor it and see how much he's grown.  And I realize that this is what I've signed up for: a lifetime of these fleeting moments that will leave me bawling each time they pass by.   I'm pretty sure I'm gonna cry again when I put away his 3 month clothes, and 6 months, and when he turns 1, and when he starts walking, and when he stops nursing, and when he goes to school, and when he gets his first girlfriend, get the picture.  Oh, how I will forever cherish those first days we had with him. When we were scared sh*tless about our new life as parents.

Anu is 4 months old now, and in the past month we have had quite a few milestones and new happenings:

-About 4 weeks ago, he started laughing out loud.  He always gets excited when DH (aka "Baba") is around and finds him very amusing.  Lately he will just giggle like crazy when Baba plays with him.  Also, when I try to give him a bath in his baby tub, he will arch his back and stiffen his legs (because since 3 months he always wants to stand up!), then he slides down towards the water which freaks me out.  Then he looks at me and starts laughing so much like he knows he's not supposed to do that.  It is so precious!

-Anu has also started rolling over (both ways) the last couple of weeks.  We noticed any time we lied him down on his play mat, he would roll to the side, but couldn't quite figure out what to do with his arms.  Then one night, I changed his diaper, then put him in the crib while I went to wash my hands.  By the time I came back, he was completely on his tummy with both arms in front of him.  Now he is always rolling it seems, so we have to be very careful where we put him!  It also drives me crazy at night because when he tries to go asleep and may be sucking on his paci or his thumb, he will roll and squish his face into the mattress.  Some nights he wakes me up (we co-sleep) because I hear him grunting and then I see he has rolled over with his face flat down.  Scares the crap out of me.

-This past week, Anu has started "talking" a whole lot more.  It seems like more expressive/fluctuated "gibberish."  And he tries to blow raspberries too, leaving a whole stream of spit bubbles out of his mouth.  It is so adorable though.

- I went back to work 2 weeks ago.  It was hard, but at the same time it was nice because I was ready for more adult interaction and to get back into the "new normal."  I had been sooo nervous about DH staying with Anu because he was always so wishy-washy with the bottle.  DH definitely had a few rough days but it all worked out.  I feel like now DH feels so much more comfortable with him and they have even more of a special bond because of this 2 weeks.

-On Tuesday, Anu will start at his new home daycare.  We have been taking him there to visit a couple times and last week DH took him a few hours at a time to let him transition.  (This was the daycare owner's suggestion and how she likes to transition new babies).  I'm actually excited for him to start going because wherever we go, he is sooooo intrigued by other babies and really wants to interact.  I think it will be just the right learning stimulation that he needs.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

One year of existence

One year ago today, the doctors collected each of our ingredients so that we could bake a baby.  One year ago was the day our sweet little Anu was created!  How awesome is that????!!!! In one year, he has gone from a tiny embryo:

(Which one do you think he is?  I think it's the top one; that one always jumped out at me!)

to this handsome little 3 & 1/2 month old:

One year ago, I could not have imagined a more perfect baby!

Happy conception day, my sweet one!

Friday, August 3, 2012


I've always been the type of person who gets very nostalgic at the littlest things.  Like whenever I got too big for the "kiddie rides" at amusement parks, or when I turned 10 and was no longer "single digit,"   or when I became a teenager, or when I was no longer a "teen" or.....Ok well you get my drift.  The slightest things make me a little teary-eyed.

Right now is no exception.  At this time last year, we were starting the IVF process.  Even though I am forever grateful that it was successful, I kinda miss the adventure of it all.  The injections, the monitoring, the surgeries, the waiting......all of it made our life exciting with the anticipation.  Though maybe I would not feel the same way had it not worked out the way we wanted.

As I'm preparing to go back to work, I realize that when school started last year, we had just found out we were pregnant.  And trying to keep it a secret made us so giddy.  I was carrying my child that whole school year I was working.  This year will take on a whole new dimension.

I still miss being pregnant sometimes.  And even though I never thought I'd have a problem with body image, I'm continually frustrated at the fact that I'm still only 10 pounds lighter than my pregnancy weight, and have to keep wearing sweatpants or maternity pants because I can't fit in my old clothes.

Oh well, such is life.  Adventures end, and new ones begin.  Right now we are trying to decide which home daycare we want Anu to go to once DH and I go back to work.  It's a hassle, and I wish I didn't have to leave him, but I know that being with other children will be good for him in the long run.  And I am so thankful that I will have gotten to stay home with him for 4 months.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

3 months

My little guy is growing so fast!  He is getting to be more playful now, and really enjoys some of his toys.  Especially his butterfly or octopus rattle- he loves to just look at the "face" on it.  Some other recent happenings and fun stories:

- We had been giving Anu baths in his little baby tub set on the bathroom floor.  But lately he kept kicking his legs and splashing water everywhere, so I thought maybe it was time to try bathing him in the big tub with me.  I got the tub ready and DH brought me the baby, then got in to help soap him up.  Anu was really enjoying it, and then when DH was washing his hair, he turned around toward me and decided to help himself to a little snack. lol! It was soo cute, DH couldn't help to get out and grab the camera.  However, not it seems Anu likes to make a habit of it, and will start sucking then flash this huge grin like he's being so sneaky.

- A couple weeks ago we took our first big trip to Oklahoma to visit the family.  The plane ride there went very well since it was Anu's bedtime, so he slept the whole way until we landed.  However, my parents were there to meet us at the airport and they were so excited to see the baby that, well, they overstimulated him a little so he was really cranky at first lol! But all in all, the trip was good.  Everybody really enjoyed seeing and playing with the baby,  and I think he really really enjoyed interactions with his Grandpa and his cousin.   And with all the busy happenings with my sister's wedding, I really think the trip helped us to become more confident as parents and make me less nervous to take him out in public.

- Since the trip, we are dealing with a couple issues.  I had been on a dairy-free diet due to Anu's gas, but in OK I decided to cheat and was eating some ice cream and some other creamy comfort foods. Well the next day his poop turned green and it's been green ever since.  Even now that I'm dairy-free again.  I might need to talk to the doctor about it when we go for his next shots on Tuesday.  Also, the weather in OK was soooooo hot compared to here; I forgot just how hot it gets there!  I've been so spoiled with our 70 degree summers, we were so miserable in the 100+ dry heat.  As soon as we came back to LA, Anu has gotten a little bit of runny nose and cough, probably due to the extreme weather changes :(  

Saturday, June 30, 2012

Moments in parenthood

I can't believe my little guy is already 9 weeks old!  He has changed so much already from the tiny little thing he was at birth.  I want to get better at documenting all the little things, because I don't want to forget this! Some of the moments in parenting that I want to remember always, the good and the bad, the cherishable moments and the ones that make us want to pull our hair out:

- The smell of newborn baby on those first days

-The smell and "fluffiness" of his hair after a bath

- When he was brand new in the hospital and would make the "puppy dog squeaks" in his sleep 

- When he first learned how to nurse and would sooooo slooooowly eat with his hand up by his face

- When he was still trying to get the hang of nursing and would "hover" his mouth over the boob while looking up at me as if he was waiting for permission lol

- The times he would start nursing, then start sucking on his hand instead, then squeal in anger because there was no milk

- The times DH would hold him in the morning and he would literally try to latch onto him. ("Hey, I recognize that bull's eye, that's food right?")

- Sitting on the couch day after day watching daytime TV and wondering if baby will ever ever ever stop eating for just 15 minutes lol

- The times when I could not set him down without him getting all fidgety until he made himself spit up

- The times he makes a huge mess in his diaper and all over his clothes 5 minutes after he just got changed

- The messes he would make in the middle of a diaper change

- The times he would fart in his dad's face during a diaper change

-The way he stretches and kicks when passing gas as if it's an olympic event

- The times when his dad holds him and he looks toward me as if to say "Come on mom, I know you're over there; you're not fooling me!"

- The funny noises he makes, like when he yawns and goes "khhhhhooo"

-The times he makes one loud cry in his sleep, and then is still asleep (I wonder what babies do dream about)

- How he did not cry much at first and would just whimper or go "AYE!" and then wait to see if we'd come to him

- The new "words" he says.  My favorite so far being "nnn-GEE-gee"

- His dad worrying that he was not "looking" at us, and then having him smile at us for the first time (6-20-12)

- The funny faces he makes at us, such as the "furrowed eyebrow of disapproval"

- The way he stares at himself in the mirror now that he's discovered it

- How much he loves being in his whale bathtub, and cries when we take him out

-How nerve-wrecking it was the first time I tried to cut his fingernails (it still is nerve-wrecking!)

- Reading "Good Night Moon" to him every night (never too early for literacy!) and seeing his eyes start to get droopy by the first time I read "mushhh"

- Singing lullabies to him

- The times he "sleeps in" with his dad in the morning while I get up and "refuel" 

-The way he falls asleep while nursing or being held, and then wakes up and cries the second we try to lay him down elsewhere

- Wearing him in the MobyWrap and doing dishes or vacuuming so that the white noise could help him sleep for JUST A LITTLE BIT (because mom knows that he is tired and he just won't admit it)

- Wearing him in a front carrier and taking a walk down the street every day because we just needed to get out of the house and dad was gone with the car!

- How nerve-wrecking it was the first time we had to leave the house to go to an appointment

- How nervous mom got when taking him to a restaurant for the first time

- How people "ooh" and "aah" over him whenever we take him out and about

- How mom and dad always pack a ton of stuff in his diaper bag and never even touch it.  Because we know the second we don't bring it is when we will need everything

- Getting comments when we went out such as "You're already taking him out of the house? You should have waited a month!" or "When I had my son I never left my house for 3 months.  Only to go to the doctor and that's it"...and me wanting to tell them to mind their own dam business.  (The latter comment was said to me when I was visiting my right across the patio from my apartment.  Sorry lady but I'm a mom, not a hermit!)

- How it is so sad yet cute whenever he gets startled by a loud noise while he's nursing.  Once while DH turned on the blender and another time when I called out to DH that his phone was ringing....startled Anu so much that he "jumped" off the boob with a look of shock on his face, then gave the pouty lip and the most pathetic cry.

- The time he got scared at church when the sound system made a lot of static and started crying, and later people came up and said "Oh so he's the one who got scared!"....and me thinking "Yes, my child crying in church.  I know I have many more years of this to look forward to"

- How flustered I would get at DH in the early days when he would ask "Why is he crying?" "Why is he doing that?" as if I was the instruction manual

- How happy DH and I were the first time he actually took a pacifier (he really only uses it for bedtime or sometimes naps)

- The look on DH's face the first time Anu took a bottle from him. (And the wave of relief that mom felt!)

- The first time I took a 3-hour "excursion" while leaving him home with DH and was irrationally freaking out the whole time that something would go wrong.

- Most importantly:  how I fall so much more in love with him every day and can't seem to stop kissing him

I am going to try to update at least every 2 weeks if I can, now that I'm actually able to get a break for a bit! Here are a few highlights of the past 2 weeks:

- Two of my sisters and their SO's came to visit last week.  It was so fun for Anu to get to meet other family members.  We will be flying to Oklahoma in a couple weeks to meet the rest of the family.  

- On Wednesday, Anu had his 2 month checkup.  He weighed 11 lbs 5 oz. and measured 23.5 inches.  The doctor said he was right in the 50th percentile!  He also got shots, but the doctor said it's ok to stagger the shots because we didn't want him getting so many all at once.  It was hard enough just watching him get each shot.  One was Pc and one was a combo DTap, HIB, and polio.  He had a slight temp spike later in the day but not too much fever, and was a little more fussy and irritable than usual.  But with some baby Tylenol and a lot of extra TLC he was better.  Next month he will get the rotavirus, but I am a little on the fence whether he should get the Hep B, even though he had the first round at birth and was fine.

-Yesterday, we took Anu to visit the RE's office during their lunch break.  They were all so excited to see him.  I realized that we had spent more time with that doctor than any other OB during my pregnancy, so it makes sense that everyone there seemed more excited about seeing the results of their work than other doctors who are just used to babies all the time.  And the RE joked, "When you left here, you looked like a little kid.  Now you look all grown up and maternal."  DH said, "Well, but I'm still a kid though!"  Lol.  Someday we will go back to give our frozen embies a try.  Someday.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

A Journey in Books

The other day I was cleaning my living room (all while keeping Anu happy in my handy-dandy Moby Wrap!) and upon looking at our bookshelf, I realized what an interesting collection of books we own.  A few of which, arranged just so, could represent our climb from infertility to and through parenthood:

Please note, I am not *endorsing* any of these books.  Most of these were just given to me.  I particularly don't recommend the "week by week" books, or at least the edition I have.  Even though it's nice to have an idea of weekly milestones, they have just BAD information such as telling you to retract the foreskin to clean an intact penis or suggesting to breastfeed privately in a bathroom stall (yuck!)

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Mommy Gorilla

This past week has been really kicking my butt.

We have hit the growth spurt/cluster feeeding/nothing-makes-me-happy-and-calm-except-boobies stage.  Seriously.  Anu will go anywhere from 3-5 hours of what almost seems like non-stop feeding and gets all fidgety and panicky and somewhat fussy in between nursing sessions.  He doesn't like pacifiers, or bottles (I've tried pumping a couple times in the mornings just to try to introduce him because he will eventually need to bottle feed).

The good news is that we get plenty of sleep at night, but during the day I am pretty much camped out on the couch watching TV with the little one attached to the nipple.  And my smartphone is pretty much my new best friend as I constantly use it to consult Dr. Google about pretty much EVERYTHING that Anu does.  Sometimes I find helpful answers.  But for the most part I just find out that a million other new mommies are just as clueless as I am and are wondering the exact same things.

I've told DH that sometimes when I'm nursing Anu or when he falls asleep in my arms, I feel like a mommy gorilla.  Why a gorilla, you ask? Maybe it's just the mental image of this squirmy little primate across my big chest.   But you know something? That mommy gorilla I picture doesn't take infant care classes, or read baby books, and I'm pretty sure she doesn't google search about her baby.  She just figures it out on her own.

I'd like to try to be as smart a mammal as that.  Lose the internet advice dependency and just go with my instincts.

And now since baby is asleep, I will be the mommy cat who briefly escapes from her kitten as she goes to the kitchen to refuel.  

Sunday, May 20, 2012

These first few weeks

Anu is already 3 weeks old! Where does the time go?   There is so much that I want to share about these last few weeks, I hardly know where to start. So I'll just thought-vomit:

-During my pregnancy I was so worried/nervous at the thought of breastfeeding because I felt so clueless about it. But so far we haven't had any major problems.  His latch is good, I haven't had any huge pain or discomfort (just a little soreness but nothing too bad), and my supply is good.  (He actually gained a whole pound and grew an inch as of his 2-week checkup!)  The only thing is that he sometimes puts up a little fight if my breasts are too full and he doesn't want to latch.  And sometimes my letdown is too fast.  But we're both getting better at finding better nursing positions and getting the latch more quickly.  Anu will "cluster feed" for a few hours in the morning and again in the early evening, then will sleep for a few hours between feedings.  Sometimes I do feel like a human pacifier though!

-Anu is pretty good at sleeping at night.  I always have a pretty good idea of when he will wake up to eat (and if he doesn't wake me up, then my BBs are waking me up!)  and he falls asleep again pretty quickly.  So far we have him sleep in his little "co-sleeper" that goes in the middle of our bed and he likes that.  (Actually, mommy & daddy like it so that we can keep checking on him through the night without having to get up and look in the bassinet).  He likes to sleep in his Swaddlepod, although lately we're finding more that he doesn't really like being swaddled.  He also rolls onto his side a lot when we lay him down.

-The whole "sleep when the baby sleeps" thing....yeah not so much.  I get maybe half an hour of nap time with him during the day.  Any other time he is sleeping I have other stuff to do: eat, shower, clean, etc!

-We are constantly going through diapers, as expected.  The first week was pretty frustrating though because it seemed like he would leak through his diaper every single time he went.  We kept trying different brands.  And I'm convinced the Pampers brand we got from the hospital are of the devil: they would keep leaving those little gel things all over when he would pee and it was so frustrating trying to clean those off.  Anyway, now it seems to be fine.  Maybe the newborn diapers were still a little big on his legs at first but now he has grown into them. We have a stash of cloth diapers when we're ready to give that a try, but he is still too small for them.  Plus I need to be a little more prepared to make the commitment of getting quarters and going down to the laundry room more often......

-Anu has earned a new nickname: "Mr. Poo-Poo Farty-Pants."  Poor little guy has been having some bad gas this past week and is grunting and tooting quite a bit.  It was pretty bad at first, but then I stopped eating dairy and that seemed to help a bit.  We've also been using gripe water, giving him massage, and "bicycling" his legs, which also seems to help settle his tummy a little.  He still does some awful grunting and straining in the morning though.  I read something that suggests my fast letdown could be contributing to his gassiness, so I try to burp him more frequently during feedings.  Sometimes though he just will NOT burp for me. *sigh*

-Despite all the minor inconveniences of parenting, I feel like DH and I could just stare at Anu all day and never get bored.  It it so interesting to see how much he changes already day by day, and seeing some personality emerge.  When he was first born, everyone said he looks just like DH.  But now I keep seeing more and more of myself in him.  And it's funny but sometimes I'll be holding him and just have this glimpse of what he'll be like as a toddler or even as a teenager! (Don't grow up that fast, Anu!)

-I'm over the blues I talked about in my last post.  I think I just needed to get past the "due date" to get over that "I'm still supposed to be pregnant" feeling.  I'm still wearing maternity pants (whenever I do get dressed!) but I folded and put away my maternity tops, with no tears.  I'm actually kind of excited about finding clothes that haven't seen the light of day in forever, and hoping to wear them again soon.

-I never realized it would feel like such an accomplishment just to get out of the bedroom during the day.  Some days I feel like I live in one room and everywhere else is an alternate universe.  Anu and I do make it to our other nursing nooks in the house though.  And we've been on a few short outings.  But each time we go out I almost feel like having a panic attack, thinking worst-case scenarios and what am I going to do. I get nervous thinking about nursing in public, even though I have a nursing cover. I probably over-think things and get too self-conscious.  So far, Anu has been just fine on each outing.

Ok, baby is waking up!

Monday, May 7, 2012

Baby Blues ain't no joke

May 7th.

Today was supposed to be my "due date."  Yet, here I am 12 days into motherhood.  And absolutely loving it!


I have definitely been battling the "baby blues" these last couple weeks.  I never really understood reading other mom blogs when they said they missed being pregnant, but I am so there.  The first time in the hospital that I actually took a moment to look at and touch my post-baby belly, I didn't know just what to think of this flatter-yet-flabby-stomach.

But the hospital was kind of like a "honeymoon."  Some other-worldly place.  Coming home is when it started to feel weird.  When I got in my bed and realized for the first time that I was able to lie down on my back or tummy again, I started tearing up.  DH came in the room to say he wanted to go to the store and buy a tray so he can serve me dinner in bed.  (Um, taking his take-care-of-the-momma role a little too seriously, no?) I told him no, that's a waste of money, as I tried to hold back my tears.  Then he said, "Are you crying? You really don't want me to buy a tray, huh?"  This led to a bout of hysterical laughing and crying at the same time.  I told him I was just hormonal.

That night I started crying again when DH and I laid down in bed and held each other.  Face to face.  Without a big belly between us.  I just started bawling and told him how it was weird, but I was really missing being pregnant.  I was sad that he missed 7 weeks of it.  I was sad that we didn't get to take any maternity pics of us together.  I was even sad about one cute little maternity dress with the tag still on it that I never got to wear.  "It's like the wedding blues, only 10 times more," I said.  He said he understands.  And then said that he's having the "shooting blues."  He gets a little sad that he's finished filming his movie...  Um....ok, not exactly the same thing but at least he is trying to be comforting and at least he makes me laugh.

I'm not feeling quite as "hormonal" anymore but definitely still get the waterworks going a little bit now and then.   The other day I went out to run a quick errand while I left Anu at home with DH, and it was weird realizing that was the first time I was driving without Anu with me.  Without him hearing me sing along to the radio (or yell at other drivers on the road).  It's so weird that even though I get to see him and hold him in my arms now, I miss feeling him get his groove on whenever I'd listen to Erykah.Badu or kicking me in the ribs whenever I'd eat ice cream.

I now totally get why other moms say that as soon as they have their baby, they are ready for baby #2.  But I don't know if we'll get to have baby #2.  Or I guess I should say pregnancy #2.  We still have our 3 frozen embies, but of course there are no guarantees.  I get a little depressed whenever I look in the closet because I know pretty soon I'll be putting all these maternity clothes away and I don't know if I'll be putting them away for good.

Still, I'm trying to find all the positive in things.  I've never had a problem with my body image or been self-conscious about gaining weight during pregnancy (I didn't gain much anyway).  But sometimes I do look in the mirror and enjoy seeing my slimmer-than-pregnant self.  DH tells me I'm already getting my booty back lol. Also, it sounds strange but now whenever I hug DH it's like I feel a new kind of intimacy with him.  Don't know how to explain it.  But it has me looking forward to being able to GOFO again...whenever that will be.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Birth Story

My birth experience was the most magical event of my life.  I really had the best birth team I could have hoped for, and the staff at the hospital were really supportive of my needs. 

Most of you who know me know what a big believer I am in “natural”/unmedicated childbirth.  Growing up hearing my mom tell stories of her 5 deliveries, all unmedicated, I never really had a fear of labor like most women in our society do.  A few years ago, as I started educating myself more on this topic, I was shocked to learn not only how so many unnecessary interventions are done in hospitals, but also how unaware most women in this country are.  So afraid of labor that they immediately say “give me my drugs!” without considering any risk factors.  I did not want to be that type of woman when I gave birth.  This being said, I also did not want to be so one-minded that I would shut out other options.  For example, I’m not one of those people who thought I HAD to have a homebirth after watching Business.Of.Being.Born.  I recognize the importance of the hospital and knew that a homebirth was not the right choice for ME.  I also did not want to completely shut out my options for pain relief, especially if I were to have a long and exhausting labor and needed some rest.  I just wanted to prepare myself to get through as much as I can on my own, with as little intervention as possible.  I also wanted to be aware of what interventions could really be necessary vs. recognizing if I’m being taken advantage of in such a vulnerable state.  For this reason, we decided to hire a doula (we’ll call her “A”) and I also prepared myself mentally and physically using the Hypno.Babies homestudy.  A is also an Hypno.Babies instructor, which was a HUGE bonus to have her expertise during our birth.

So on to the story:

For a while, a lot of people were telling me they had a feeling I would go early.  I was like yes, it’s possible, but I didn’t really believe it myself.  People at work were so shocked about how much energy I had to go on a field trip the Friday beforehand.  (Even though I was sure to take plenty advantage to sit down and rest and also avoid strenuous walks).  On Saturday I was so determined to get the nursery ready, get clothes washed, clean the bathrooms, etc. Nesting like crazy.  And I even joked that this must mean the birth is coming very soon, but again I didn’t really believe it.

On Tuesday I was at work and needed to go to the bathroom.  When I saw a lot of thick brownish spotting in my underwear I immediately had that feeling like when you first discover you got that month’s period.  For about half a second.  Like “Oh there it i-WAIT A MINUTE I HAVEN’T SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS IN A LONG TIME!”  I figured it must be my mucus plug, but didn’t get too excited since I know it can still take a while for labor to start after losing the plug.  Throughout the day I continued to have some pinkish spotting, so then I wasn’t sure if it was mucus plug or “bloody show.”  Still, I didn’t get too excited about anything.  That night I listened to one of my Hypno.Babies tracks.  And as usual I ended up falling into a deep sleep afterwards.  When I woke up around 10 pm, I saw a few missed calls on my phone, including one from my mom who left a message asking how I was doing since I was less than 2 weeks from my due date.  I decided I would wait until the next day to call and tell her about the spotting.

Wednesday morning as I was driving to work, I noticed a strange feeling in my pelvis.  Best way to describe it is it felt like I was suddenly wearing a pair of pants that were 3 sizes too small.  I took some deep breaths and tried to adjust myself to get a little more comfortable.  I figured baby was just moving and stretching to make me feel funny.  That day, my class and 2 other classrooms went on a “community-based instruction” trip to the movie theater.  I remember feeling the sensation at least a few more times, but always when I was sitting down (in the movie theater, on the bus back to school).  I would just do some deep abdominal breathing.  And I always felt better if I was walking around.  Most of all, the students kept me so busy and distracted that I hardly noticed anything.  I didn’t start to think that something was up until I got home from work around 5, when I got out of the car and the sensation hit me again.  It really stopped me in my tracks and I had to focus on breathing and couldn’t even walk through it.

I got in the apt and decided to call my mom to tell her about the spotting I was having and the funny “pressure waves” I was feeling.  I remember feeling these pressure waves quite a few times while on the phone and had to take really deep breaths as she was yapping away about stuff I couldn’t care less about.  Once I got off the phone with her, I looked through some of the resources about signs of labor that A had given me, and I decided to give her a call and tell her I’d been having pressure waves throughout the day, and didn’t know when I should “get excited” about things.  She asked me what the pressure waves felt like, and I described the “pants too tight” feeling.  She also asked if they went away when I walked around or changed position.  I said changing position feels better, but I still feel the pressure.  So she suggested that I start timing them for the next half hour, then wait a couple hours and start timing them again.  If it was actual labor, they should be getting longer, stronger, and closer together.

As soon as I got off the phone with A (around 7 pm), DH called as he was on his way home from school.  I said, “Good.  Because I’m having some pressure waves.”  Of course, he had no idea what I was talking about so I had to explain, “I might be having some contractions, but I’m not sure.  The doula says we should start timing them.”  “Well,” he said, “I guess we should probably start packing a bag.”  (Yeah, we had not even packed a hospital bag yet).  I tried to distract myself by getting some clothes and underwear ready for packing (looking back I now realize we brought WAYYY too much stuff!) I also decided to listen to my Hypno.Babies “easy labor” track.  I usually did it while lying down in bed.  However, after I few minutes I gave up on that because lying down just did NOT feel good when a pressure wave hit.  I tried other positions like leaning on my birthing ball, but that didn’t feel too great either.  At this point, what helped the most was bending over and pushing hard onto the bed or birth ball with my hands.  When DH got home, he was totally apathetic to what was going on.  He asked if I wanted to go out to eat.  “I don’t want to go ANYWHERE!” I said.  He said “Let me know when you want dinner.  I’ll make you some soup.”  Then I reminded him to start setting out some clothes to pack, and he also started getting some of his camera stuff ready.  But mostly he was just chilling at the computer and drinking a beer.  I was like “You shouldn’t be drinking. What if you have to drive me somewhere?”  He gave his usual retort, “It’s just one beer!”

Pretty soon I felt like getting in the bathtub.  So I went to start the water.  DH asked if I wanted any candles or dimming the lights while I was in the bathroom.   The bath felt really good, but when a pressure wave hit, I hated sitting down so I would get on my hands and knees and start rocking.  At one point DH was in the bathroom and saw me rocking and then said, “Honey, I don’t think this is the real thing.” (hahahahaha!)  “You don’t? Why not?”  “Because the real thing would be more intense.”  Anyway, I asked him to go ahead and start making some soup and I would get out of the tub soon.  While I was eating I tried to have him help me time the contractions using Contraction.Master, but it was not convenient for me to have to call out to remind him to hit the space bar at each start and stop.  So then he decided to download the app to my phone so I could use it easily.  After I ate, I went into the nursery with the lights off and tried to labor there with my birthing ball for a while.  At one point, I remembered I had a bag full of red raspberry leaf tea.  It was supposed to be my magical-help-me-have-a-fast-labor tea, but I hadn’t even started drinking it yet for fear I would kick-start things a little too early.  At this point, I figured it certainly couldn’t hurt, so I asked DH to make a cup of tea for me.  I sipped on some water and the tea, but after a few pressure waves I was over the toilet throwing up.  We both decided to get some rest and lay down.  Of course, DH was asleep and snoring away in no time.  But for me, I had to get up and rock on hands and knees at each wave.  I threw up again, and then figured the bed was not the best place for me to rest.  I also remembered I had a BedBuddy so I heated that up in the microwave and then held it across my back with each wave.  In between waves I was lying on the floor with some pillows, then would get up and rock with the BedBuddy on my back, sometimes making some low hums while I exhaled.  All the while I was using the app on my phone to time them.  When I tried drinking some water and threw up again with the next wave, I knew we had to go. 

So I woke up DH (this was around 1 am) and said we needed to go.  He got up and started getting everything packed.  Then I called A and told her that my pressure waves were coming about every 4-5 minutes and lasting from 40secs to 1 minute each, and also that I had vomited 3 times already, so I thought we should probably go to the hospital.  She said “I don’t think that’s a bad idea. Would you like me to meet you there?”  I said yes.  So then DH had everything and I just carried a couple pillows and a baggie in case I needed to puke in the car.  It was a little drizzly outside and I remember thinking that it must be an “omen” of some sort.  When we got to the car I realized that we almost forgot the birthing ball (*whew*).  While DH went back to get it, I called my mom (it was about 3:30 am her time) to tell her we were on the way to the hospital.  She asked if I was having contractions and I said yes, and that I was vomiting too.  I felt another one coming so I very quickly got off the phone with her when it started.

When we got to the hospital, DH dropped me off at the ER and they wheeled me up to L&D.  The nurse instructed me to go change into the gown, and when I got out of the bathroom both DH and A were already there.  (They had oh so conveniently gotten to the parking lot at the same time and came up together).  I got in bed and the nurse started hooking me up to the monitor and asking the usual boring questions.  Whenever a pressure wave hit, I would have to take really deep breaths and then was still trying to answer her questions.  She said, “Honey just take your time.  You don’t have to answer right away if you’re having a contraction, I can wait.”  After the questions, the nurse then checked me and I was at 4cm, already 100% effaced and the baby was at -1 station.  I was really surprised I had already progressed that much. The contractions were very manageable at this point, especially with A’s help.   With each contraction, I would close my eyes as A cued me to take very deep breaths and relax my body using the Hypno.Babies techniques.  Pretty soon though I was vomiting again.  This is again where it was helpful to have a doula who was familiar with that hospital because she knew exactly where to get my little throw-up-cup and some wash cloths. 

Another nurse came in to try to start my IV because I was getting dehydrated and needed some fluids and also anti-nausea medicine.  Of course, being dehydrated made it more difficult to get the IV in the vein, which is what I was afraid of.  At this point, I think I needed the relaxation techniques more for the pain of the needle than the contractions.  The nurse failed on her first attempt.  Then tried to start again.  “I’m going to try to get this in before you have another contraction…because they’re coming!” she said.  Once again, it didn’t work. She was very confused and said she’s never had to stick somebody more than once.  So she went to get 2 other nurses.  After 2 more attempts we finally had the IV going.  I remember saying part of the reason I didn’t want an epidural was fearing they would screw up with the needles (even though I know it’s totally different from trying to get in a vein).

Once I got the fluids in, my nurse unhooked me from the fetal monitor and said I could walk around, but to make sure I come back in 20 minutes and hook up the monitor again for another 10 minutes.  So the 3 of us started walking in the hallway.  I felt very pleasant and chatty in between each contraction, but as each one came I would hug DH and start swaying back and forth.  With each one A cueing me to take deep breaths and relax.  Eventually I felt like going to the bathroom so we went back to my room and then after peeing I hooked up to the monitor again.  A asked if she could get me any water or ice chips.  Ice chips sounded really good, so she went to get some, but once again I was throwing up after the next contraction.  After 10 minutes we unhooked from the monitor and I started doing the “slow dancing” labor with DH again.  I asked A to try some hip squeezes to help me.  In between contractions I remember I was asking DH if he had been texting anyone.  He had texted my family and his friends.  Then I realized I was going to need to let someone at work know and I didn’t have the number for the call-out line.  (As if that was the most important thing right now? Lol) This was around 4:30 am, and I decided to text my assistants to let them know.  My phone said the text failed, and I was saying how my phone does this a lot: it keeps saying fail and then I try to resend and the other person is wondering why I keep sending them the same text over and over.  DH took a look at my phone to see if he could get it to work.  But then I felt a contraction coming and I snatched the phone from him, threw it on the bed and then leaned into him and “slow danced.”

With each contraction, I would vocalize a very deep “ahhhhhhhhhhhhh” or “uhhhhhhhhh” sound as I exhaled.  The first time I dropped the F-bomb, A was like “Ooh! Ok! Now we’re getting somewhere!”  I felt a little ashamed after that contraction and apologized, but she reminded me to just vocalize whatever I need to.  After a while I said I felt like I needed to go to the bathroom again and asked DH to come in with me the shut the door.  The contractions were pretty intense and I was vocalizing more loudly while I could hear A outside the door continue to give me the cues.  At one point though, she suddenly opened the door and asked if I felt like I needed to push.  I said no, and she said I had made a sound that people make when they need to push.  I felt another contraction coming so leaned into DH and was vocalizing very loudly when I suddenly felt a lot of fluid gush out and I gasped in shock. (Don’t know why, it’s not like I didn’t know that with childbirth comes a lot of embarrassing bodily fluids).  “What was that?” I asked.  A looked down at the toilet and said just some blood, then asked if I wanted to be checked again, as she didn’t even know why they still had me in this room instead of the big delivery room.  I said yes, so she got one of the nurses and I heard her saying “She wants to be checked again.  She made a pushing sound and also has a lot of bloody show.”  The nurse sweetly said “Good.  That means maybe there’s some cervical change.”  They got some resident OB to come check me: I was at 6 cm and baby was at 0 station.  Everyone was like “Oh you’re making such good progress!”  But I was thinking “ONLY a 6? How much longer do I have to do this?”  I started to think about the epidural, but still wanted to get through as much as I could.

We walked to the big delivery room just in time for the next contraction to hit.  The nurse hooked me up to the fetal monitor and I bent over the bed with the contraction.  But then she said I had to get up because that position made the baby’s heart rate go down.  She said “I saw you brought a birthing ball. Why don’t you try that?”  So I got on that, but then nurse suggested I use the one they had in their storage room since it was a little taller. I sat on the ball and rocked while DH sat on our ball.  The contractions were REALLY intense at this point.  With each one I would lean forward and hug DH, while rocking my hips backward really hard into the counter-pressure that A would give me.  She would also push my shoulder down, because it was so easy for me to tense up, and remind me to relax my body and use my “peace” cue, saying “peeeeace” to breath relaxation throughout my body.  I remember at one point thinking that anyone in the L&D ward who could hear me must be thinking “That sure doesn’t sound like *peace* to me!” Lol.

I labored this way for at least another 30-45 minutes.  When each contraction ended I would think to myself “It’s over.  See, that wasn’t so bad.  This is do-able.”  But I hated anticipating the next one coming.  Eventually I was sooo tired of it, and after one contraction I looked at DH and whispered “Can we talk about it?”  As if he could read my mind.  He just stared back at me, confused.  I asked A what were my risks of other interventions if I were to get the epidural, now that I had already progressed so far.  She said my risks were very low at this point.  I said I was just so tired, I hadn’t slept all night, I was so tired of each contraction (ok I sounded like a little excuse machine here lol).  I said I just wanted some epidural so I could get a little rest and then stop the epidural once it was time for pushing.  (And I was thinking to myself “At least I can say that I got to a 6 on my own).  So she pushed the call button for the nurse, and said that I wanted the epidural.  Of course, I couldn’t get it right away.  They had to give me more fluids first.  The nurse checked me again and I was at 7cm.  (Thinking to myself “At least I can say I got to 7 on my own).  Once she got the fluids started, I asked how long that would take and she said about 20 minutes.  I was thinking “OMG 20 more minutes are you kidding me???” 

A couple nurses were coming in and out to check on me.  I remember one nurse saying “Don’t worry, you’re gonna have this baby before 9:00.”  Another nurse smiling at me and sweetly saying “You’re progressing so WELL!!!” My thought was “Not well enough!”  I just wanted some relief already and really frustrated that I had to wait so long.  The nurse was watching the monitor and I continued to rock on the birthing ball when with one contraction I suddenly felt a very strong urge.  I yelled “I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO POOP!” Well that got them moving.  The nurse said “Ok. I’m going to check you and then we’re going to call the anesthesiologist immediately so you stop feeling that.”  She checked and I was at 8cm, and baby was at +1 station.  (At least I can say I got to 8 on my own).  Things definitely became a blur at this point.  I remember A reassuring me that this part of labor usually progresses very rapidly.  I was sitting on the bed since they said that’s how I would have to sit while getting the epidural.  The contractions were much more intense and more difficult to get through because I was trying to fight back that urge to push.  At one point I vaguely remember the doctor coming in and saying “Hi Ruth, I’m Dr. K, I’ll be delivering your baby today.”  All I wanted was to get some relief right now.  Finally the anesthesiologist came in and said “I’m here to give you your epidural.”  I said “Thank you!” and then A was like “Oh she’s so sweet!” I had another contraction while they were getting ready.  Then A told me she was going to have to leave.  They won’t let her stay in the room while they do the epidural because that was the hospital policy. (That’s dumb).  She reminded me to use my relaxation techniques.  Once she left I could hear the anesthesiologist getting stuff ready and trying to explain procedures to her colleague.  With each contraction I leaned into DH and he was so good about reminding me to breathe.  I remember at one contraction I was using my “peace” cue, then the next one I was dropping the F-bomb again, and the anesthesiologist chuckled “Ooh! She just went from *peace* to THAT!” 

Once the epidural was in, the anesthesiologist thanked me for being such a good patient and said I was an “all-star.”  (Do they say that to everybody or does she have some really mean patients? Lol)  She said she gave me a very very low amount of epidural since I was so close and that it would take another 15-20 minutes before I started to feel comfortable.  Since I had the epidural, I had to stay lying down but I could lie on my side.  After 3 more contractions (the epidural had not kicked in yet), I screamed “I REALLY FEEL LIKE I NEED TO PUSH!” There were so many people in the room at this point, I don’t remember who came to check me.  I just remember it seems like all they did was spread my legs open and I heard “she’s complete” and I heard someone else say “we need a delivery cart in here.”  Then someone (maybe it was A, as she said she came back in the room at this point) told me “You’re complete! It’s time for you to push.”  I was kinda in disbelief. As the doctor started getting the bed in position for me to push, I felt the epidural was kicking in.  I was definitely still feeling each contraction, but the intense sharp pain in my back was gone.  As they got me into position, I remember feeling a little disappointed that I didn’t get to push in a more “gravity-friendly” position like squatting or standing, but at the same time I was just ready to have my baby.

Now, I don’t know just how much different I would have felt if I had absolutely no epidural, but I do know that everything I had been told about pushing is true:  Pushing felt REALLY GOOD.  Especially after I had been trying to fight it during transition phase, it felt so good to bear down and do something about that pressure.  I could feel my baby moving with each push.  After just 2 or 3 pushes, the doctor exclaimed “This baby’s got a head full of hair!”  She guided my hand to reach down and touch and said “That’s your baby!”  I kind of didn’t believe it- it just felt slimy to me lol.  A couple more pushes and I could definitely feel my baby’s head coming out.  Everybody was like “Ruth! Look! There’s your baby’s head!”  I couldn’t see a darn thing over my belly though, so the doctor again guided my hand to touch him.  (I now wish I had had a mirror or something because apparently he had his hand crossed over his face as he came out.  It would have been cool to see that).  With the next contraction I was pushing real hard, and then just quit because I thought I should have felt him move more at that point.  The doctor and nurses looked at me like “What’s wrong? Why did you stop?”  “It’s not helping!” I said.  And everyone said “No no! You’re doing so good!”  With the next contraction I pushed as hard as I could.

Next thing I know, I felt him slide right out and the doctor was holding him up as he cried that gurgly cry.  I kept screaming “My baby! My baby!”  It was so surreal.  DH cut the cord, and then they put him on my chest.  I was in tears.  I couldn’t believe he was here!  It was such a magical moment of pure ectasy.  Eventually they took him to get weighed and everything so DH was taking pictures while the doctor was stitching me up.  A was telling me how amazing I was, and also that it was almost insane that I pushed for only 13 minutes.  Most first-time moms average 2 hours of pushing, she said.  The doctor told me for “bragging purposes” she would consider this a natural birth.  “That epidural doesn’t count,” she said.  “You did this all on your own.”  I was like holy crap! I did it! I really did this on my own! 

Another doctor who was attending the birth came to show me the placenta, as mine was really unique.  The umbilical cord was attached to the side/membrane of the placenta, rather than in the center.  She said that’s probably why he had such a low birth weight (5 lb 11 oz).  Because his birth weight was low, they said they would have to test his glucose level every 3 hours for the next 24 hours.  That was so hard each time I had to see him get poked in the foot.  At one point the first day, I felt really pressured to try to get him to feed because his levels were low, and the nurses said if his glucose level dropped any more that they would have to give him formula.  I did NOT want that.  But fortunately, his levels came back to normal. 

Since then, our little Anu has been such a good baby.  He doesn’t fuss a whole lot.  In the hospital I could hear a lot of other babies crying through the night, but DH and I noticed that Anu doesn’t really cry a lot, he just whimpers a little lol!  He has been feeding pretty well too.  The lactation consultants at the hospital were really impressed with his latch and called him a “little champ.”  He does seem to have more of a preference for lefty over righty, as when I offer him the right he seems to think his hand or his t-shirt are better options.  But we are getting there.  We had one sleepless night our first night home, but I think mostly because we were all feeling confused by schedules and his feeding habits.  Now through the night he just wakes up when it is time to eat and is pretty easy to get him back to sleep.  He is so chill, it makes me wonder if he’s got some tricks hiding up his sleeves for later. Lol.    

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Fashionably Early

Since last week, I had been planning to write a post about being full term.  About all the physical symptoms, as well as all the emotional ups and downs.  About being excited to meet my little boy, yet overwhelmed at the thought of starting this new chapter.  About being even a little depressed, knowing that this may be the one and only time I get to experience pregnancy, and how limited my time was left.

Well....too late now.....

Our little guy decided to surprise everyone by making his entrance into the world on Thursday morning, a little less than 2 weeks away from his "due date."  

I am sooooooo in love with him.  He is just the most perfect little baby, and totally worth everything we had gone through to be able to hold him in our arms.  DH is just head over heels about him too.

Stay tuned for the adventurous birth story!

Monday, March 26, 2012

Holy crap I'm 8 months pregnant!

....and then some.  Here are some updates on week 34:

- I am constantly told how small I am for being 8 months along.  I was told by my doctor to gain 25 pounds throughout this pregnancy, and today I hit the 25 pound mark.  "All belly" though.  As long as baby is on track, then I'm definitely ok with that.

-I interviewed a couple of doulas, and have decided on one.  I've also been listening to the Hypno.babies program at home so I'm hoping to be prepared as I can for the labor.

-Even though it's REALLY late in the game, I am switching to a different OB.  I have my 1st appointment with her on Thursday.  (This is the doctor I originally wanted to go to, but she was on maternity leave when I graduated from the RE).  At my last appt, the OB made me feel really uncomfortable when I brought up the topic of delayed cord clamping.  He said, in a mocking tone of voice, that he would try his best to accommodate my wishes.  But then kept making what I think are BS excuses for his own convenience.  "But the baby has to go in the warmer to be suctioned."  Bullshit.  I'm the warmer.  You can suction the baby while he's skin to skin with me...... It definitely didn't help that while I was waiting in the exam room, I could hear him in his office screaming on the phone: "You are not an honest man! I want my carpet back!"........Yeah, not the kind of attitude I want to put up with, especially if he was attending my birth.

-DH has been in Bangladesh for 5 weeks now; 2 weeks until he is back home.  It has definitely been tough.  I am so grateful, though, that this time I have a more reliable means to communicate with him (whereas when he was in Europe a few years ago, I pretty much had to wait on him to call me since he didn't have the same phone number all the time).  Skype is also great, although sometimes I feel like being able to see him makes it a little harder in a way.  Last week I was Skyping with him and just suddenly broke down crying because I wanted sooo bad to jump through the computer screen and hug him.  How do military wives do this?

-My mom has been staying with me for the past 3 weeks.  It has definitely been great to have her help with the laundry, groceries, dishes, cleaning, etc while I'm at work.  She has also been working on knitting a cute baby blanket, and last night we assembled the crib.  However, there are many many times where I feel like ripping my hair out when she's around.  Every day I come home from work, I have to tell her that I need some peace and quiet, some "me" time for at least 30 minutes......otherwise she will yap my ear off from the time I enter the door until I go to bed.   Next week is Spring Break so I'll be having to find some ways to keep ourselves

-This Saturday is my baby shower that my church is having for me.  I really did not expect any kind of a shower because I am relatively new to the church.  But the ladies organizing it are so excited, apparently they're making it some big church luncheon....crazy.  I feel a little awkward to be the "center of attention," but I am excited that these new friends want to celebrate my baby :)

I apologize for the random jumbled post.  There is so much going through my head these days it's hard to just sit down and write anything more coherent. I will try to get better about this ;)

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Feeling blue

I am so not looking forward to Saturday morning.....

I know I have been really bad at posting lately so I realize I haven't even mentioned what is going on.  But here is the scoop:

This semester DH has to make a short film for his "advanced" film project.  He has been working on this story for a long time, and will be filming it in Bangladesh at the end of March.  When we visited last summer, he was already working on some pre-production for this film.  But, of course, there is still a lot of business to take care of before the actual shooting.  So he is flying out on Saturday, and will return on April 9th.

Now of course I am glad he is going now rather than after our son is born.  But I'm still sad about all he will miss:  getting to see and feel him growing, talking to him, most likely missing out on at least 1 ultrasound.  And I have no idea how I'm going to handle this.  A few years ago he went to Europe for about a month, but 6 weeks is the longest we've been away from each other in the last 6 years.

On a positive note, my mom will be coming to stay with me and help me out during the last month of DH's absence.  I'm pretty excited about getting to show her around L.A. (as she has never been here) and also setting up the nursery together.  However, I'm not sure how she will keep herself occupied while I'm at work everyday.

More of my adventures to come later, and hopefully not of wallowing in misery.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

26 weeks update

- We had the repeat u/s on Dec. 29th.  They were able to get all the measurements they needed, and baby is right on track where he should be.  He kept hiding his face when they tried to take some 3D pics,  but they were finally able to get some good ones.  When we looked at the printouts, DH immediately thought that he looks like me.  I thought in one of the side profile pics he looks a little like my dad.  But then when DH showed the pics to his family and friends, they all say that he looks like him.  Typical, lol!  I guess we'll see in a few months. :)

-The belly has definitely exploded in the past month.  Now nobody is shy about asking or saying anything. Except for the first day back at work after winter break, one student was apparently asking my assistant when I was out of the classroom because he was too nervous to ask me.  She finally prompted him to ask me when I came back, but he wasn't sure what to say and said " have a big belly."  Made for a great social skills lesson, and then my students got very excited that I am having a baby..... And then immediately started counting down the months until I will be gone because they seem to think they will get to break all the rules lol!  Also, last week one of my students from last year approached me and said "Hey Mrs R, somebody told me that you're eating for 2 that correct?"  I told him "Yes, you heard correctly."  Then he said, "Congratulations, Mrs. R.   Is it forgot his it from Mr. R?"  Had me and another teacher cracking up- she said "This is not Jerry Springer here!"  LOL!  I know this student just wanted to find a way to talk about my DH since he met him just came out the wrong way.   Another good social skills lesson.

- Before pregnancy, I used to see women in public rubbing all over their own pregnant belly and I thought they just looked smug.  Now I realize how nearly impossible it is NOT to rub a little bit, especially when this little guy decides to start going wild and kicking while I'm out getting some groceries.  I'm pretty sure he's destined to be the next Karate Kid, lol!

-DH finally got to feel movement a couple weeks ago.  Anytime I felt baby moving a lot, I would grab DH's hand and put it on my belly and then...nothing.  And then DH would just get impatient and take his hand away.  Well one day I finally got him to touch it long enough to feel a little punch.  He got so excited and I'm so glad; I think it finally made this feel more real to him.  Now he takes the initiative to try and feel him move more, talk to him more, and at night he is sure to drape his arm over my belly while sleeping to feel as much as he can.  Little one has been really active at my bedtime this past week so that's good timing.....for now ;)

-This past Thursday, I went in to do the glucose test.  Haven't heard the results yet so I'm assuming we will find out at our OB appointment this Friday.  I'm feeling a little bit nervous about it.

-We also got to tour the maternity ward at the hospital last week.  Now I haven't seen any other maternity ward to compare this one to, but I was pretty impressed with the beds and how the nurse giving the tour seemed to encourage some natural methods.  I have been reading up on the Bradley method (and highlighted the chapters for DH to read....if I can get him to read....) I'm also trying out Hypnobabies....not entirely sure how I feel about it yet but with a couple listens it has really helped me to feel relaxed.  So hopefully I'll be able to use these techniques when the time comes.  We are still searching for a doula.