Choices

This past week has been a bit of an emotional wreck for me.  It really sucks to try to plan things out so far in advance when you have so many conflicting priorities, feeling like you're being pulled in so many directions.

Before we even left, a lot of family members were talking to us about planning some get-togethers for Christmas and next summer.  We will definitely be going to OK for Christmas, as DH's hectic school schedule won't allow him to go anywhere for Thanksgiving.  I was hoping to spend the whole break in OK.  Then a couple weeks ago my BIL was trying to convince us to go to Tahoe with them right after Christmas.

[side note: my playlist just started playing "Did you ever have to make up your mind?" by the Lovin Spoonful.  How convenient]

Then there is trying to make plans for next summer.  My brother had been discussing wanting to go hiking in New Mexico next summer (before it gets TOO hot).  I have had my heart and mind set on starting IVF next summer, but felt like DH wasn't quite as *enthusiastic* about it as I am.  But I definitely want to spend time with my brother next summer so both things are important to me.  I have been contemplating in my mind how on the most convenient way to work out the timing.

Then this past week I started to think about something else that's important to me: visiting DH's parents.  It's just crazy that I've been married this long and have never even met my in-laws.  Then I started weighing that with IVF, realizing that if we had a successful IVF, it would not be wise to go to Bangladesh while pregnant so we would have to put that off even more.  I came to my own conclusion that we should try to go to Bangladesh next summer, even if it meant putting off IVF for a few months or longer.

So this past weekend we went to see our very close friend in San Diego (let's call him K).  On the drive down, I brought it up with DH and we talked about it.  At first he wasn't sure, then thought about it some more and was on board with planning the trip for next summer.  We both started feeling pretty excited about it, but the thought of having to choose one thing over the other was getting me down.  Then we got to K's place and his roommate announced there would be company over.  Great, I thought.  I was not really in the mood for forced socialization with strangers.  Then they happened to bring their little reminder of our IF.  So upstairs in K's room I just had myself a good cry because life sucks.  It's so unfair to have to put so much time and energy (and money) in planning something that most other people can do without much effort.  After drying my eyes I went down to socialize and play with the cute cute tiny tot, and I felt a lot better.

The next day DH and I were spending time with K when he brought up the topic of IF.  We had a good talk about it and he really helped to put things in perspective for us. Basically helped us to realize that we should seize the opportunity to try IVF while we can.  Even when DH talked to his mom that evening, she thought if he had to choose between the two, he should do IVF.

So now we are definitely aiming for IVF next summer.  I wouldn't say that DH was not on board before, but that he just didn't seem to be taking it as seriously as I was.  Like he had shut off that compartment of thoughts and emotions in his brain.  Now I think he officially has "the fever" and is more serious about saving up money for this.

Now we just have to decide what to do about insurance.  We already know the insurance through his school won't cover ANYTHING IF-related.  I am trying to find out more about what my work insurance will cover - I already know it won't cover IVF (or any of the drugs included with that).  But I am trying to find out if it will cover his MESA to see whether or not it would be worth including him on my plan.  Too bad when you call the insurance company they have no clue what those procedures are or what they cover.