Thursday, November 19, 2009


Last night DH and I went on a little date.  Had a very interesting talk about this whole IF/azoo thing.  A lot of things have been going through my mind.  DH has been so busy with schoolwork as this is his last semester, and has been applying to different grad schools for the 2010-2011 school year.  It's funny looking back to when we first started thinking about TTC; I was SO determined to have an Oklahoma baby and be able to stay here for a while before moving to wherever.  But now I realize that if we are to have our own child at all, the odds of us having a baby in Oklahoma are very slim.  And now with my work environment getting more and more stressful, I don't think I even want to stay for another year.  But then, I don't know how things would work out if, for instance, they are able to find some sperm and freeze it to use for IVF.... It's not like we could just do IVF here and then move halfway across the country while I'm pg.
On the other hand, I think I hypothesize too much.  I told DH I really don't want to get my hopes up at all.  Especially since with the reading I've been doing on azoo, it seems most couples I've read about end up doing donor sperm.  And then DH just said "If you want to do donor sperm, I don't care, do what you want, because it's still gonna be my kid."   Wow I was not expecting that.  But we talked about it.  I still personally would not want to do donor sperm.  At least at this point, I feel that if we can't both have a biological child, I would rather adopt a child who needs a good family than to have a child that's only "half" ours.  Still very weird that DH thinks he would be ok with it before I would....

I really wish I could keep my mind off of this, but it's hard waiting in limbo.  At least, I'm gonna get my "fix" this weekend.  I'm going to my brother's this weekend for my nephew's birthday (turning 3 years old!) I've talked with my SIL about problems I've had since TTC, but I haven't told her about azoo.  But I feel I may need to confide in her & my brother since we are so close.  Not looking for pity, but I feel I can trust them, and I may need their help if my mom does what she always does- going on and on asking me/talking to me about kids/pregnancy. 

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