Tuesday, October 25, 2011

How not to be pregnant on Facebook

Maybe I'm just crazy.  Here I am with a healthy pregnancy, almost into the 2nd trimester.  Couldn't be more excited.  And yet.... pregnancy announcements and updates on Facebook still bug the crap out of me.

Now don't get me wrong.  I really am happy for my pregnant FB friends.  It's just the "Hey FB world, check out my pee stick!" or the "We haven't even had our first doctor appointment yet but we're going to announce this pregnancy with a picture of the onesies we already went out and bought", followed by several obnoxious and/or "complaining" status updates.  That's what gets to me.

Of course, I will eventually need to come out on FB, but I am going to hold out at least until this becomes obvious to people IRL.  DH thinks we shouldn't need to announce on FB at all.  But the thing is, I know my family will be uploading a slew of pictures come Christmas time.  So I'd rather make a tasteful announcement sometime before all my FB friends get bombarded with pics that may include Ruth+more.

After witnessing much obnoxious FB behavior from others, I have come up with a list of things I vow never to do once I go public.  Seriously readers, if I break any of these you have my full permission to slap me straight:

I vow to demonstrate an awareness that the majority of my friends do not need to see objects that have recently come in contact with my bodily fluids. 
Hey everybody! Check out this TP I just wiped with.....wait, you mean that's not socially acceptable??

I vow never to disclose the explicit details of what just came out of my stomach.
......or rather, what's NOT coming out.  Status update: "I just wish I could poop.  Oh the joys of pregnancy..."

I vow never to complain of weight gain, or of all the things I'm not allowed to have.
Wishing for a drink? Seriously? Alcohol is the LAST thing I want to think about going in my mouth. Of course there are some things I miss....  Status update: "I just wish I could get freaky nasty with my hubby again, without being uncomfortable.  Oh the woes of carrying a child in my uterus...."

I solemnly swear never to use the word "prego" unless I'm discussing a recipe for chicken parmesan.
Ok ok I know, that's just my own damn problem and I need to get over my disdain for that word.  DH is trying to desensitize me by calling me "prego" and "preggy" and every other name in the book.

Even if this pregnancy consumes me, I promise not to let it consume those on my news feed.
Susy: "I just discovered that I like coffee."
           comment: "I love coffee! But I can't have any because I'm pregnant."
(This was an actual exchange I saw between 2 FB friends)

Sally:  "I'm so happy I aced my psychology exam today!"
            comment:  "Hooray! I aced my exam too...at the OB's office....because I'm pregnant!"

Places: Sammy was at The Grocery Mart on Grocery Avenue.
             comment:  "Hey while you're there, could you get me some pickles? I'm all out.  It's an emergency....because I'm pregnant!"

Selma: "I'm loving this beautiful weather today."
             comment:  "Me too.  Did I mention that I'm pregnant????"


  1. Oh The facebook...

    We waited until 3t to make our announcement. I had a friend make a pretty announcement for us and I posted the image. it wasn't a secret until then, but I definitely wasn't talking about it, and still don't intend to.

    I do reserve the right to fb brag endlessly about my someday baby :)

  2. hahahhaha these are so funny! We came out pretty early on FB, but I had vowed not to say really obnoxious things AND post u/s pics. :)

  3. Those are great... can you add not posting play by play status of labor on FB. Those really drive me nutty. Nothing like a friend's husband posting on their newsfeed "We see the head". Really?

  4. I understand what you mean, but at the same time I don't feel irritation for those people. Only envy that the thought that they might have to "take back" a pregnancy announcement due to miscarriage. That they can go forth blindly and happily never even thinking that at any moment it could all be over.

    That said, even though I have never in my life joked about being pregnant when I am not, people still don't believe I am unless I show them the pregnancy tests and ultrasound pictures. So for me I do it. I love seeing that positive grow darker and most of my friends feel the same and want to see every test I pee on lol. I agree it's silly and I certainly would never TOUCH someone else's test, but I love to document my pregnancies. They are such a gift and my biggest regret from my last miscarriage is deleting all the pictures of my positive tests when I was really upset while miscarrying. Now I have absolutely nothing but my memories of the baby since I never got an ultrasound.

    I actually had a friend make fun of me for waiting to tell people. I told her it was because of my miscarriages and I didn't like to tell until I was past 8 weeks. She actually responded to me with "I have perfect pregnancies so I don't have to worry about it." and then went on to miscarry the baby she was carrying. So regardless of how long people wait to tell, I think people should just do what makes them happy and celebrate as much as they can while pregnant.

    Even if, like you, I find the cutesy and TMI updates to be a bit much sometimes. At least they are happy.

  5. I stole this from someone else but I posted We Believed.... Baby M will be arriving June 2012

    I didn't want to be that annoying post like you mentioned above but I also wanted people to realize that it's not that easy to make babies:)