Saturday, May 8, 2010

New Favorite Proverb

Ok, I know it.  I've been a bad blogger.  I didn't mean to leave the blog hanging with my anger at insurance companies.  I've been meaning to write this post for a while, but just kept putting it off, trying to figure out just how I wanted to say this.  Afraid of just rambling and not making any sense.

And while I've put it off, a lot has happened.  DH got accepted into the grad school he wanted, so we're definitely planning out this exciting move to California, and know exactly what location to aim for in the job/apt hunt.  We are both so blessed to have this opportunity for something new in our lives....


There is still an emptiness, a longing inside of me.  And people all around me tend to minimize it.  For example, recently at my workplace, they threw a baby shower for several new moms.  And I let a close co-worker (not a "new mom") know that I was getting some gifts, but that I don't think I'm ready for baby showers again yet.  To which her words of comfort are: "You couldn't do what you're doing right now (moving to a new state) if you were pregnant."  Of course not.  And yes it's nice to not have to worry about  anything happening at an inconvenient time.  But what wouldn't I give for DH and I to BE ABLE TO conceive even "accidentally."

And then there's Facebook, ever faithful in reminding me of what I don't have.  What I can't have without a LOT of intervention (and $$$).  What I may never have if those interventions do not work.  Announcements seem to pop up unexpectedly everywhere.  Oh hey, there's that long-time-ago friend.  Wonder how she's doin n-....wonder why she's asking for a good newborn photographer.... How is so&so nowadays?'s a boy....

And with that comes the huge wave of guilt.  The why am I so upset over a friend's huge blessing?  Why do I feel so empty when I have so much?

That's what brings me to my new favorite Proverb:

(But first, a mini-pitch): In what little spare time I have, I've been reading The Infertiliy Companion, by Sandra L. Glahn, Th. M. & William R. Cutrer, M.D.  I found this book in the Christian Inspiration section at a bookstore, and so far I just love it.  I highly recommend it for anyone looking for a good read on IF from a Christian perspective.

Anyway, I was reading the chapter on "The Spiritual Struggle," where the author was discussing the often-quoted "fertility" verses that get pulled out of context.  You know, the "Sing, O barren woman, you who never bore a child" (Isaiah 54:1) or "[a woman] will be saved through childbearing..." (I Tim. 2:15).
Then it pointed out one of the least-quoted "infertility" passages:

The leech has two daughters-
Give and Give!
There are three things that are never satisfied,
Four never say, "Enough!":
The grave,
The barren womb,
The earth that is not satisfied with water-
And the fire that never says, "Enough!"
-Proverbs 30:15-16 (NKJV)

Now I think it's easy for most people to focus on the negative aspect of this proverb concerning the leeches' greed, especially when it's talking about wildfires and death.  But we as IFers can see another meaning to this:
Four NATURAL forces (not necessarily evil) created by God are described in parallel to each other, INCLUDING the cry of the barren womb.  We are created to desire children, and the emptiness we feel when we don't have a child is just as natural and inevitable as the need for the earth to drink up rainwater to be fruitful.

So when I hurt for what I don't have, or when I begin to fear that I never will have, I find peace and comfort in this verse.  Knowing that it is perfectly OK to feel this way, because it's how I have been created.  And knowing that if our IVF procedures don't work out in the future, it has to be for a greater purpose.


  1. What a beautiful post, Ruth--thanks so much.

  2. Great reminder! I'll have to keep my eye out for that book! It sounds great!