Bibliography of ASSVICE!!!

Here comes a fun post full of the most ridiculous ASSVICE I've gotten from various people within the last year or so.  Partly because I'm bored.  Partly because I'm a little PMS-y.  But mostly because some of this stuff is too hilariously stupid not to share:

First of all, I got a lot of stupid assvice, comments, and questions regarding the move to LA

Source #1: Nosy co-worker

Co-worker: I heard you might be leaving after this year....

Me: Yes.  My husband got into grad school in LA so we are moving.

Co-worker: Oh! Well I guess if you wanna stay married, then that's what you gotta do.

Wow.  I didn't know a spouse's education/career change was grounds to consider divorce.

Source #2: Sweet little old lady at church

"Don't let the liberals out there getcha."

Good idea.  I just know those dang liberals are hiding in the dark alleys, waiting to mug me for more tax money.

I also got the:  "Are there any Baptist churches in LA?"

Yes, there are actually Baptists in a city with a population of more than 4 million people.  But they all meet in secret underground passageways because they're hiding from the liberals.

Source #3: my mom 

I'm telling you, for some one who has never lived here, she says some of the dumbest things sometimes....such as:

"Well you know, everything is mañana in California."

What.....what does that even mean?? Mañana means tomorrow. Everything is tomorrow? What?

Or how about "You mean they let [DH]'s car into California?"

Well actually we had to smuggle DH's perfectly fine honda into a oversized coffin for 24 hours while we crossed the California state border.

I couldn't even tell her about all the cool ethnic restaurants around and eating Cuban food without her making some comment about countries where people rebel against the government......Seriously??? It's just FOOD and your political views are severely warped.

How about ASSVICE on marriage?:

Source #4: rude co-worker (who has been divorced at least 2 or 3 times, gets into a new relationship every year and almost gets married, then calls it off)

"Well if I haven't taught you anything else, you listen to this: You better get a separate bank account only in your name, don't tell anybody you have this, and every month put away $50 dollars into the account.  This is for EMERGENCIES, in case you need to get out because [DH] starts beatin' up on you."

What a great idea.  Because when I fell in love and took those vows I thought "hmm, now here's a guy I can't trust and who doesn't love me so much that he wouldn't dare to lay a finger on me.  But what the heck, I'll marry him anyway cuz I'm lonely." And by the way this tip you call "advice," in the real world is called "financial infidelity" and it's why you can't get your own relationships to work out.

Source #5: big sister (who is very selfish & immature, thinks she's an expert on marriage just because she has a boyfriend, and has made it very clear that she does not want children and pretty much thinks anyone who wants to get pregnant is stupid)

Sister: When you get married, your primarily responsibility is to your husband.  That means if your husband had a bad day at work and he comes home and the kids are running around screaming, you send them to their room and take care of your husband first.

Mom: Well you just don't know the cold hard reality 

Me: Yeah.  What if you have an infant? You can't just "send him to his room"

Sister: OMG! JUST PUT IT IN THE PLAYPEN! HOW HARD IS THAT?!

That's right, stereotypical wives and stay-at-home-moms of the world.  You better put down that hungry nursing baby and give your stereotypical breadwinner husband his bottle.

And then, of course, there's our all-time favorite: the getting pregnant/infertility ASSVICE:

Source #6: head midwife at the medical center (this is when I was still living in my world of ignorance is bliss, and was so sure I'd be pregnant any time now so I better start researching my birthing options)

Me: (wrapping up the consultation) BTW do you have any tips on getting pregnant?

Midwife: Well how long have you been trying?

Me: About 5 months.....

Midwife: (all-knowing smirk on face) Just take it easy, relax, don't think too much about it.  I guarantee you.  

Too bad there was no money-back on that guarantee.  But then again it was a free consultation.  Still, if I had a dollar for each time I've heard "just relax" I just might have enough money for IVF

Source #7: neurologist (a DOCTOR for crying out loud...keep in mind the whole reason I started seeing him was to get off the meds so I could safely get pregnant, and this conversation was just before we found out about CBAVD)

Neurologist: Are you still trying to get pregnant?

Me: ......we can't get pregnant.  My husband doesn't have any sperm. (the end)

Neurologist: Well you know, all is takes is just one to go "SHOOOOOOOOO" (making rocket-ship motion).  Well I'll see you back here in 6 months.

Yes, I can see it now in the Twilight Zone: "Hello? Hello? Well I guess I'm the only sperm left." (tail snaps off)  "No....that's not fair....there was....SPACE now....there was all the space I needed....THAT'S NOT FAIR!!!!" 

And perhaps the most absurd of all:

Source #8: nurse/former co-worker 

Nurse: So are you still taking the Depakote?

Me: Oh no, I've been off of that over a year

Nurse: Oh good.  So now just watch you'll probably get pregnant before you know it.

Me:.....not exactly...

Nurse: No?

Me: My husband was born without either of his "tubes" so the only possible way we could possibly get pregnant is through in-vitro.

You're a nurse.  You understand, right?

Nurse: Ohhh......Well don't be surprised if something happens one day. heehee.  I'm telling you I've seen these things happen! hahaha! What's it called? vans defens? I'm telling you I've seen things happen!  Cuz it only takes one, JUST ONE! teeheehee! You know cuz it's trapped in there it only takes one it's gonna go crazy! It's gonna go CRAZY I tell you! teeheehee! Just watch, don't be surprised.  You're gonna be one of those people on those TV shows that goes "What? How did it happen?"  And I'm gonna be laughin and goin "AH HA HA! See I told her!" Just watch it only takes one of em to go crazy and find a way!

.......And I have no words.  I guess I just need to hope for a miraculous conception so I can be on Good Morning America....

Well I hope everyone got a good little chuckle or two.  People sure say the *darndest* things

J-Lo no-no

So I was just sitting here at home browsing Facebook when I saw one of my friends posted a link to his blog.  His blog posted a link to this site.  My friend then went on to applaud J-Lo for recognizing the true Author and Creator of Life.

My response: Of course anybody would "prefer" the "natural method" of conceiving if it was possible for them. If a man or woman has a condition preventing them from conceiving through "natural methods," it is not necessarily God's way of divinely sterilizing them. God is still the Creator of life when sperm meets egg, regardless of whether it gets there "naturally" or in a petri dish.

Now I suppose in light of the plot of her new movie ("The Back-Up Plan") one can appreciate her decision IRL to not pursue IVF because of "not finding Mr. Right yet."  Maybe she didn't mean it as a judgemental comment, but it's just so funny how someone who has no trouble getting pregnant can say of those who can't, that it's "not meant to be." 

To Tell and How to Tell...Those Are the Questions...

Due to the blizzard, we had to delay our Christmas plans.  My parents and little sister came up and spent the night last night.  Right now we're just waiting for everyone else to come this afternoon so we can celebrate [late] Christmas, so while waiting I decided to write a little while it's still fresh on my mind:

A couple weeks ago, DH said he wanted to tell his parents about his azoo pretty soon, probably even before he goes to see the urologist.  I told him that I thought maybe we should also tell my parents pretty soon, but he should probably tell his parents first, and do it whenever he's ready.  Well the other day we talked about it some more.  He is worried especially about telling his mom.  After all, his parents are halfway across the globe and this would be really hard to talk to them about over the phone.  He said he thinks his dad would be understanding, but that his mom would be really upset.  He thinks she will be mostly upset because of "societal standards,"  like you're SUPPOSED to have kids when you get married.  We talked about telling my parents and we're both worried about the same thing: My parents tend to be very irrational and judgmental, and might say things like "Well God must be punishing you for....blah blah blah...."  And will probably go on and on every time we see them with unwanted "advice."

Now, remember last month when my mom was being nosy?  Well this morning she just brought it to the next level: the guilt trip.  We were just sitting at the table eating breakfast and somehow she brings the conversation to how she got pregnant with me.  Me, my little sister, AND my dad were all trying to get her to stop talking.  But she just keeps going on and on: "It's all because so & so got pregnant and so & so got pregnant so then blah blah blah...."  We again tell her to stop talking.  Brief pause.  Then she says, in a mocking tone of voice: "I shall forever have only one grandchild."

I don't know how much more of this I can take.  And she always only does stuff like this when DH is not around (he's at work this morning).  Sometimes I wish she'd just say something when he IS there and maybe he'll just jump in and tell her how it is.  Not so easy, I know.  So the thing is,  I think we definitely need to tell my parents about it sometime soon so that MAYBE my mom can stop with the guilt trip stuff.  I'm gonna talk to DH tonight and see what he thinks, which he probably still doesn't want to tell them for a long time.

My question is, whenever we decide to tell, what would be the best way to tell them?  I know telling them face-to-face would probably be the proper way to do it.  But I'm also wondering about writing a letter, and maybe that will give them some time to process it before talking to us so they won't be blurting out some judgmental remarks.  Or should we just suck it up and tell them in person?

Belated Thanksgiving update & more

Wow I am way overdue for a post.  There has been a lot going on in the land of Ruth  :)

The Thanksgiving break went by sooo fast but it was really nice.  My sister & BIL flew in from San Jose.  We had traditional Thanksgiving dinner at my other sister's house.  Then on Friday, since it was Korbanir Eid, we had the whole family get together at our place and DH got to show off with his delicious Bangledeshi-style cooking.  He made chicken korma,  goat curry, Bengali-style salad.  My sister made some dal (lentils).  Yum yum yum!  And a couple of good friends of ours were driving through from San Diego and got to stop by just in time to feast with the family.  :)  For the most part, the Thanksgiving break went well except for a little family drama.  I think some people felt hurt by other peoples' attitudes, and some people are still as selfish as ever and I certainly don't want to encourage that.  At least nothing got too heated.

Since then I've been keeping busy with work and then of course, car drama.  On Tuesday before Thanksgiving,  I was leaving my nail salon and some 17-yr old backed a pick-up into the back of my Scion.  Ugh.  It was still driveable but left a huge ugly dent.  I took it to the body shop and then they got the parts in on the following Tuesday so we dropped it off.  And wouldn't it be my luck, that when we only have one car available, that's when it decides to act all funny.  Something about the cold weather and we must have a messed up sensor in our old, crappy Mercedes (yes, there IS such a thing-it's our car!)  Wednesday it was fine, but both Thursday & Friday when DH had to take me to work, the car REFUSED to start....until the sun came up.  Weird.  And then it kept dying on the road.  DH had to repeatedly park the car in the middle of the street and then re-start it.  Then it would work fine for him the rest of the day.....until Friday when he came to pick me up.  Then it decided to all of a sudden die in the parking lot and refuse to start....again.  I had to have a friend drive me to the body shop to pick up my Scion and by the time I made it back, DH had finally gotten the car to start and he dropped it off at a shop near our place.  So we are still at one car now but at least we don't have to worry about it working. I really don't know what to do about the other car.  It is so old and so not worth the money it needs to fix it properly.  DH wants to sell it but I know we'd hardly get anything for it and I soooo do not want the hassle of shopping for another car right now.

IF-wise, all the busy stuff has really helped me to take my mind off of things.  But we still have a little over a month before seeing the urologist and some days I feel I just can't stand to wait any longer!  We managed to get through the family time without any nagging questions.  Except for when my sister from Cali was talking about how she hates it when people ask when she's going to have kids...and she can't stand it because she doesn't want kids.  At least not now, but from the way she talks it sounds like maybe she doesn't want them at all.  So yeah that was pretty tough sitting through her and my annoying sister complain about the same questions I complained about.....but for pretty much the opposite reasons.

Then yesterday my mom was up here and she tried to bring it up again, this time asking me why I got mad when she asked about it "in front of my brother."  As if THAT is what made me upset?  I told her I don't want to talk about it.  So she let it go...but it was like "Ok, so what else am I not supposed to ask about?"  *Ugh* My mom can be so air-headed sometimes.  Sometimes I wish I could just tell her so maybe she would stop nagging me, but then I know she probably would start a whole other type of nagging and then tell everyone about it.  I certainly was not going to tell her without DH there since this is especially personal for him.  I'm not sure when we're going to tell our parents.  The other day I told DH that if it turns out that the doctor will do a biopsy or some other "procedure," we should at least tell our parents before that.  But he's still unsure.  Let's hope we make it through the Christmas season without any more drama.

What not to ask

I had a lot of fun last night and today spending time with my nephew.  This morning, my brother asked him how old he is now and he says, "I'm terrible....3!"  Too funny!  He's always being goofy and brightens my day. 

But....it was inevitable....my mom had to go and piss me off.  After the birthday party we all went back to my bro & SIL's house and were just trying to relax.  And my mom just flat out says, "So Ruth, this is your 3rd year teaching.  After this year, are you going to get pregnant?"  >:(  No matter how many times you try to "rehearse" a response in your head, the emotions take over.  I was so pissed and just snapped,
"No."
"No?"
"That's a personal question mom, you don't ask this kinda stuff!"
"But I'm your mother"  (!)
"That doesn't matter, it's a personal question!" And I made my escape to the bathroom.  And she's saying something like "Well, I wasn't the one who said...."  I don't know what she was trying to say that I've said.  Thank God for my brother for interjecting and telling her to just stop and leave it alone.  Maybe I shouldn't have been so....mean about it.  But I just knew it was coming.  Every time I see my mom she has to randomly bring up baby or pregnancy stuff and I have to try to politely get her to change the subject.  And I am not ready to tell her about IF/azoo, not until at least we know what's gonna happen.  Because for one thing, I know she will tell everybody about it when I don't want the whole world to know.  And then she will be constantly trying to give us her (usually very unhelpful and rude) advice. 
(WARNING: EXTREMELY bitchy rant coming up next)
I know everyone who has gone through/is going through IF has the pain in the butt of dealing with people asking stupid questions.  I don't know what it is making me feel so agitated today.  If you are reading this and you have ever been one of those people that asks somebody "When are you gonna start having kids?"  or especially a random "Are you pregnant?"  Maybe you think you're just having an innocent conversation, but please: DON'T ASK!  Regardless of who it is you're talking to, because:

1. It's none of your business!!  If they want to tell you about their personal life, they will tell you
2. Have you ever stopped to think just how stupid such a question is in the first place?  "When are you gonna *start* having kids?" Or in my mom's case "Are you gonna get pregnant after this year?"  Like anybody, IF sufferer or not, can tell you when they're going to conceive like the weather forecast?  As much as people would like to think it's as easy as just having unprotected sex, we DON'T have control over what happens.  So ask a stupid question, expect a stupid answer.  And,
3. If the first 2 reasons weren't good enough, you may not know the circumstances surrounding the person you're talking to.  Maybe they haven't really thought about having kids and think nothing of such a question.  But maybe they really want to have kids but know it's not their time to "try" yet.  Or maybe they are trying and it hasn't happened yet.  Or maybe they just found out they have serious IF issues and need treatment.  Maybe they had or keep having miscarriages.  When you ask them that question, to them it's like you're implying that they must not want children and need to *start having kids* when it's the exact opposite case.  Or if it's a friend you know that is dealing with IF, please don't be that person that keeps asking "So are you pregnant yet?"  It only makes the pain worse.

Wow...now I feel a little bit better after all my bitching.  I hope I have not offended anybody who reads this.  Bottom line, I just wish everybody could understand there are some things you just should not ask about unless given an open invitation to discuss it.