Unofficially....official?

I meant to do this post last night, but I was so exhausted I just fell asleep.  These last few days have been crazy emotional!

First, an update on my "symptoms": since Wednesday night I noticed that my BBs would feel pretty sore and sensitive whenever I'd take my bra off.  (But this wasn't happening much since most of the time I was at home wearing very loose-fitting clothing and no bra.)  The painful, nauseating cramps went away after Wednesday.  When I went in for my bloodwork on Thursday, I told the nurse about those and she said the progesterone is what does that.  However, I have continued to have this.....feeling below my stomach.  Hard to describe because it's not really a "cramping" feeling. It's like a dull pressure/heaviness/bloated feeling.  And it is constant, making it really uncomfortable for me to wear anything but stretchy exercise shorts or pants that are too big for me.  This is the one symptom that has been driving me crazy because it is so unusual and unlike AF symptoms.

So I planned to hold out until Sunday morning to test, thinking that since I only had one HPT in the house the desire to save money would tide me over.  Ha!  By Friday night, I was already getting anxious to test.  That night, I couldn't sleep too well.  I went to bed around 11:30, woke up around 2:30 to go to the bathroom, came back to bed, and had the weirdest dream.  I dreamed that I used the HPT and the test line instantly turned really dark (the way it did morning after my HCG trigger).  Then I wanted to surprise DH with the test by leaving it by the computer table, but when he finally came to look at it, it was completely blank as if it hadn't been used at all.

I woke up from that dream around 5:45 and had to go to the bathroom again (but not much).  Thought I would go back to sleep but I just could NOT sleep after that.  I kept thinking "Should I test or not test? Was this dream a sign to test or not test?  I surely won't even get a dark line this early, but I should get something right?"  Ok I eventually got out of bed about an hour later, having made up my mind that I would test.  But I made the stupid decision of trying to drink a lot of water to make myself go instead of holding it for longer.  So I used it, and thought I saw a line appear right after the control line, but it was sooo sooo faint I wasn't sure whether or not I was just imagining it.  It was like deja vu of the olden days, when I would try so hard to make myself see a line when it was obvious there was no way I was pregnant.

So then, I did what any woman in my shoes would do......consult Dr. Google.  Sure, THAT will calm my crazy head.  After agonizing over what a 9dp3dt BFP should look like, I decided that I would go out and buy more tests.  So I told DH I was going to get some shaving razors (hey it's true, I DID need razors).  But he figured me out anyway; after he got up he was like "Did you buy more tests?"  That man can read me like a book.

I told him that we needed to go somewhere today because I just HAD to get out of the house.  We decided to go to the beach, but not until his friend came over several hours later.  Just enough time for me to go even more crazy on the internet.  So then we did drive to the beach....except the whole road was jam packed and there was absolutely NO parking ANYWHERE, so we just drove back home.  That was a wasted hour.  So we sat outside by the pool and played a card game to pass the time.  Then the boys decided to jump in the pool.

While they were swimming, I decided it was time to go inside and test again.  (I had made sure to hold my pee for at least a good 4 hours).  I started to see a line very soon after the control line showed up.  Then I started screaming/squealing/laughing to myself because the line kept getting darker!  It was not "dark" but there was no way it was imaginary this time! Now I always thought that I would try to find some nifty way to "surprise" DH if I ever got a BFP, but I just couldn't keep it to myself! I ran out to tell him (or rather, I briskly waddled because of the heavy/bloated feeling).  Of course he was in disbelief (I think he still is).  I tested again yesterday morning: once again, BFP!  So I called my mom before church to tell her the news and ask her to keep praying that however many little babies have latched on, for them to hold on tight for the next 9 & 1/2 months!

Last night, I tested AGAIN (okay, POAS addict here) so that DH could see it in action.  I tried with a cheapie from the Dollar Tree first, and got nothing.  DH was like "What? What's going on?"  I'll admit I was freaking out just a little too, but figured that the cheapie must not detect as well as the others.  So DH told me to use the pricey FRER, and sure enough, we got a line!  I had him take a picture while we were still within the 10-minute time window (I couldn't get a good enough picture on my camera with the previous tests).

Ta-da!

(Okay, you probably have to click to see it better)

And here it is again, next to the old tests:

I go in for the BETA this morning.  Even with 3 BFPs at home, I'm still soo nervous about this.  (High numbers please please please....)

Stupid side effects :(

Since my last post, we have resolved the issue with the PIO shots.....and by resolved, I mean that I've fired DH and my neighbor is continuing to do them.   Hey, she actually enjoys it, I guess it gives her something to do.  I still make DH draw it up for me though (I think he likes playing scientist with the syringe, just not stabbing me lol).


Today is 6dp3dt, and I'm beginning to fear that this didn't work.  Beta is not until Monday.  I have ONE hpt in my house, so I'm planning to hold off on testing until at least Saturday or Sunday.  However, it seems that I had more "symptoms" right after the transfer (when it was DEFINITELY too early for pg symptoms) and those have all seemed to wean off now.  I think I have yet to have any symptoms that are enough to convince me they could be implantation/early pg symptoms.

Here's what I have been feeling:

2-3dp3dt: Sore BBs (particularly the left):  WAY too early: obviously a progesterone side effect.  Now my BBs are not sore at all.


2dp3dt-present: Lower back pain:  Progesterone? Pressure sore from lying down a lot? Or just the fact that I have a really crappy back anyway?


4-5dp3dt: Waking up in the wee hours of the morning or right after a nap with EXTREMELY PAINFUL cramping throughout the whole midsection that lasts about 5 minutes (TMI ALERT: the last time it happened, the cramping was relieved by using the bathroom):   Implantation? (very doubtful) Or gas pain from the PIO?


4dp3dt-present: Mild, dull cramping and/or bloating feeling around the uterine area: Implantation? Or just the PIO & Estrace playing more mind games with me?


5dp3dt: Random cramping in right leg:  ....actually I have no clue what that's all about.  Estrace side effect, maybe?


5dp3dt: Irritability:  PMS? Or just from being on pelvic rest for so long I can't remember the last time we GOFO?  lol

PIO: piece of....

Well, it finally happened:  Last night we had our first PIO freakout/meltdown.

As I mentioned before, my neighbor had been coming over at 7:30 every night to give me the PIO shot. Whichever side she was doing the shot on, I would lean the opposite leg onto the couch to shift my weight onto it, and then she would stick me faster than I knew what happened lol.

Anyway Thursday night, since I had been laying in bed pretty much all day, DH decided to go ahead and give me the shot so I could stay near the bed.  After cleaning my left side with the alcohol swab, I leaned into the same position, and DH gave the shot perfectly: just a little pinch, didn't hurt.  I was so proud of him.  So we assumed last night should be just as easy, but no.

First of all, I was watching TV and then DH turned the TV off.  I was like "Hey! I was watching it! That was my distraction!" So he turned it back on.  I got into position, and DH made the stupid mistake of saying "Are you ready?" Now why'd he have to do that? Now I was anticipating it.  And when he tried to stick me it actually HURT this time, and I moved a little as a reflex.  Great.  So DH changed the needle and we tried again.  Same thing happened, and then he got mad: "Why do you keep moving?? The needle was halfway in and when you move it comes out!"  I said he must have been doing it too slow if it was able to "come out" that quickly.

He went next door to ask my neighbor if she could do it.  She wasn't there, but her roommate said she should be nearby; she just went for a walk.  However, she had left her phone at the apt so there was no way of calling her.  So I just sat on the couch waiting and crying because I was too chicken to let DH try again.  I'm not sure if I was more worried about him hurting me or about screwing up and wasting needles.  

Finally at 8:25 (hey, they say to do the shot "within the same hour" so we're good) I was about ready to give in and let DH try again after he suggested maybe I should lay down flat.  So I went to the bed and then my neighbor walked in, so of course we let her do the shot instead.  Then, she took the used needle and made DH practice stabbing an orange.  She goes "Look, here's her butt.  Just *STAB* it in there real quick like that.  See?"  Well I tell you DH stabbed the heck out of that orange lol!  Then he looked at me and said "You're right. I think I WAS too slow with it."

So now I'm not sure what will happen tonight. I still don't know if I trust DH with a needle...lol! I'll take any tips from you ladies out there.


On a side note: since Thursday's transfer, a lot of people have been asking me "What are you gonna do if you have triplets???" Even though the chances are low, I know there's still that possibility.  Yikes. We wouldn't mind twins, but if we found out all 3 implanted I think I would mostly be worried about whether or not my body would be able to handle it.  But we are against selectively aborting, so if that did happen we would just take the best care of my body and pray for the best.  Whatever will be, will be. :)

I'm "unofficially pregnant!!!!!"

This morning's embryo transfer was full of lots of good news and surprises:

First of all, it turns out that our 2 late-maturing eggs did fertilize after all, so we have a total of 6 little embies! They are of course a little behind on the growing, so they are both at 4 cells right now.  Out of our initial 4 embies, 2 of them are right on target at 8 cells (my RE gave them an "A" and an "A+"!) and the other 2 are growing a little slower at 5 cells now.  My RE said that for our age group, 2 should be enough.  But he decided he wanted to go ahead and transfer one of the 5-cells as well, for "insurance" as he put it.  He thinks that our other 3 should be able to make it to freeze.  However, the embryologist said that one of the 4-cells may have some problem.  She said it's "too big" or "too uneven."  We'll see.

I'm just so excited that right now I am PUPO with 3 little embabies!!!! (To my readers unfamiliar with the lingo: no it has nothing to do with the life cycle of a caterpillar. ;) It means "pregnant until proven otherwise")

The lab gave us a couple pictures today.  I joked with DH that all the Fertile Facebookers who post a million ultrasound pics on their page, they never get to have THESE!  lol (Don't worry, I have absolutely no intention of putting these on FB)

Here are our 3 embryos pre-transfer:

And post-transfer:

So now I am on bedrest for 3 days to help these little ones snuggle up nice and tight.  I am trying my best to lay/sit as still as I can for long periods of time.  My legs get awfully fidgety though, so I'm trying to fight it lol!

DH is being very sweet helping out.  I had read that pineapple (or particularly pineapple core) is supposed to help with implantation, so he went out to the grocery store to buy me one.  Then he said he wanted to make a list of what we have to eat, so he wrote out a "menu" for me, sectioned by "proteins," "veggies," "fruit," "dairy," "carbs,"  and best of all "condom." You would think that's his way of abbreviating "condiments," except the list includes: peanut butter, cashew butter, soup, and pickles.... He says "condom" is his own category lol! 

We've got embies!!!

The doctor's office called me a little before noon today:  Out of the 9 eggs they got, 4 of them are now fertilized!!! They said there were 2 more they did ICSI on, but trying to get them to mature so we could end up with 6.  I would be more than thrilled if they did, but I know the chances are slim.  I'm just so ecstatic that we actually have 4 of our OWN little embryos out there waiting for us.  GROW, EMBIES, GROW!


On a side note, I have to say that DH and I are both really surprised about our recovery from yesterday.  I had always thought that DH would come out of this procedure grasping his junk and whimpering with pain.  Instead, I was the one all crampy and sore, waddling around and needing help getting into the car.  At home, DH only sat on ice for about 20-30 minutes.  But only because I requested him to for good measure, not because he felt he needed it.  He has really not been in much pain at all.  Meanwhile,all day yesterday it hurt me to stand up, sit down, lay down, etc.  I almost freaked out thinking I might be getting OHSS last night when I saw I had gained 5 pounds, but I was not having any other severe OHSS symptoms.  So I've just been drinking plenty of water and when I got up this morning, my weight was back to normal.

Also, I had my first PIO shot last night.  And once again, my neighbor did it for me.  She actually came to my door in the afternoon and asked me what time to do the shot, and I hadn't even asked her to lol!  But she seems so eager to stick me, and is so gentle with it that maybe I'll make it a regular thing haha.  DH did help by drawing up the PIO and then massaging the area for me afterwards, so it's not like he's completely out of the process. ;)  Here's hoping tonight's shot goes just as smoothly.

MESA and Egg retrieval story

Just got back home from the egg retrieval and MESA! (That is, after stopping for breakfast afterwards- we were starving!!) Everything went very smoothly; piece of cake!  Here is the long story:

This morning I woke up around 5:30, feeling very nervous.  I couldn't tell if it was butterflies in my stomach or just my ovaries feeling gigantic and torturing me.  I woke DH up around 6:20 and we started getting ready.  I got a small bag of stuff together(socks, jockstrap, pads, a couple oranges), which we ended up not even needing because the facility provided stuff for us.  Our friend (today's chauffeur) ate a little bit (making me jealous lol!) and then we hit the road.

We got to the facility at 7:15, and DH was the first to sign paperwork, then they brought him back.  I saw his doctor walk through the door at about 7:35, and DH said they started around 7:45.  First, they gave him a couple shots in the sac to numb him.  He says it didn't hurt too bad and after that he didn't feel anything and they went to work getting those swimmers out.  DH says first the doctor collected a sample and then left the room to examine it (he said it was weird that he was left with his balls just hanging open for a few minutes lol). Doctor said he had plenty of sperm, but he wanted to get some more for freezing, so he took a little more, and then stitched him up.  I was so surprised when DH came walking into the waiting room at around 8:25 all smiles, didn't seem in pain at all.  (I think the pain meds still haven't worn off quite yet; we'll see how we're doing in a few hours).

All while DH was in the operating room, I was waiting outside feeling almost nauseous with nervousness.  Don't know why because at least I got to be asleep and DH had to be awake.  Anyway, my anesthesiologist came out around 8:15, then my RE arrived at the office about 5 minutes later.  At 8:30 they took me back to get changed and then I went to the operating room.  The anesthesiologist gave me a numbing shot before doing the IV, which didn't hurt a bit.  As he was putting the IV in, my RE got me into position on his end and assured me that I wouldn't feel or remember a thing.  The anesthesiologist told me he was giving something to relax me, and the RE said "You'll close your eyes and doze off in just a couple minutes."  I looked at the clock and saw it was 8:45.  Then I looked at the ceiling and started feeling sleepy, but I was so determined not to close my eyes while I was still conscious lol.  The last thing I remember was the nurse putting the blood pressure monitor on my arm, then I woke up and it was 9:15. (Staples button: that was easy!)  I was feeling pretty groggy and definitely crampy, but nothing too bad.  The nurse gave me some juice and Tylenol and after 15 minutes I was ready to get up.  Had to get dressed veeeeeeery slllloooooowly because of the cramps but it was still manageable.

So they managed to get 9 eggs from me.  I won't hear a maturity/fertilization report until tomorrow.  I'm just praying that this is enough.

Tomorrow, Tomorrow

Last night's trigger shot went surprisingly well.  However, DH was not the one giving it.  Now don't worry, he didn't chicken out.  I just did.  I was so concerned about getting this shot JUST RIGHT, and I somewhat jokingly asked "should we find out if there's a licensed nurse in our building who can do it?"  And DH replied, "....IS there a nurse here?"  So I decided to find out.  I went next door to ask my neighbor who pretty much knows everything about everybody.  No nurses here, but it turns out she has gone through EMT training and she mentioned that she had a friend she helped by giving "those pregnancy shots."  How convenient! :)
So I had her come over, DH helped to mix and draw up the HCG, then at precisely 8:30 I leaned over the couch and let my neighbor stick me.  Didn't feel a thing; that was easy! Of course, just a few minutes later I could definitely feel something (and my bum is still sore)!
This morning I went ahead and decided to test the trigger with an HPT, and sure enough it turned positive instantly.  So at least I know we got it right! But it was very weird for me to see that, wondering if I'll ever see another positive.

I'm trying to keep calm for tomorrow morning and pray that everything goes smoothly.  I think it's the anesthesia that's got me worried the most.  I'm just ready for it to be over and to have peace with whatever happens.
There's a song that my mom used to sing at church a long time ago, and lately it's been stuck in my head quite a bit.  Particularly the line:

I know not what the future holds, but I know Who holds the future

I think it's very appropriate to our situation, and I pray that others like us may find the same comfort